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  • Why Do Some People Learn Faster Than Others, Even With the Same Study Time?

    I always thought that I’m a slow learner, but in the last couple days going to gym and catching on exercises instantly and also catching any dance steps and being able to do it made me realise that I was a quick learner.

    So much so that my personal trainer also complimented me that I’m learning the things quickly.

    And that made me want to actually find out what actually is the difference between learning slow or learning quick?

    Two people can sit in the same room, study the same subject for the same amount of time, and somehow come out of it with completely different results.

    One person reads a chapter twice and goes, “Oh, I get it.”

    The other person has been staring at the exact same page for two hours and is now questioning their intelligence, their education, and possibly their entire existence.

    We’ve all been one of those people.

    And when this happens, we usually come to a very simple conclusion: the person who understood it faster must be smarter.

    But learning doesn’t really work that way.

    We tend to treat study time like a mathematical equation. If I study for three hours and you study for three hours, we should have learned roughly the same amount, right?

    Not necessarily.

    Two hours with a textbook open can mean two very different things. It depends on what you already know, how you’re studying, how well you’re concentrating, how tired you are, and even how interested you are in what you’re learning.

    So why do some people seem to learn faster than others?

    What Does It Even Mean to Learn Faster?

    Before we answer that, we probably need to figure out what “faster” actually means.

    Because learning isn’t just about memorising something quickly.

    There’s understanding a concept. There’s remembering it later. There’s being able to explain it without looking at your notes. There’s actually using it when you’re faced with a new problem.

    Those are different things.

    You could memorise a definition in ten minutes and completely forget it by next Tuesday. Someone else might take an hour to understand the idea properly and still remember it six months later.

    So when we say someone learns faster, we’re usually looking at only one part of the picture.

    Fast comprehension doesn’t automatically mean better retention. Quick memorisation doesn’t automatically mean deep understanding.

    The person who finishes the chapter first hasn’t necessarily won anything.

    We Don’t All Start From the Same Place

    This is probably one of the biggest things we forget when comparing ourselves to other people.

    We aren’t all starting from the same place.

    Imagine two people learning economics. One has never studied it before. The other has spent years reading about finance and already understands inflation, interest rates and supply and demand.

    Give them both two hours.

    Of course the second person is probably going to move faster. They already have somewhere to put the new information.

    It’s like joining a conversation halfway through. Someone who’s been there from the beginning is naturally going to understand what’s happening faster than the person who just walked in.

    This happens all the time.

    Someone who has played the piano might pick up another instrument faster. Someone who reads a lot might find a complicated book easier to understand. Someone who has worked in an industry for years might learn a new process at work in half the time because they already understand the terminology and logic behind it.

    We see the speed and call it talent.

    We don’t always see the years of preparation sitting underneath it.

    Sometimes what looks like natural intelligence is actually accumulated knowledge.

    But Yes, Our Brains Are Different Too

    Now, I don’t want to go to the other extreme and pretend everyone has exactly the same cognitive abilities.

    We don’t.

    People differ in things like working memory, processing speed and reasoning ability. These differences can affect how easily we handle certain kinds of information.

    But even that doesn’t mean there’s a neat little ranking system where Person A is “smart” and Person B is “not smart.”

    Someone might be incredibly quick with numbers and absolutely hate learning a new language. Someone else might take longer with maths but remember stories, patterns or conversations almost effortlessly.

    Our brains have different strengths.

    And learning isn’t one single skill.

    This is why saying, “They’re smarter because they understood it faster” is usually far too simplistic.

    The better question is: faster at what?

    Two Hours of Studying Does Not Equal Two Hours of Learning

    Then we have the uncomfortable part: sometimes the difference isn’t the brain.

    It’s the studying.

    Two people can sit with a textbook for two hours and have completely different experiences.

    One person is rereading the same chapter for the fourth time, highlighting sentences they will never look at again, checking their phone every ten minutes and occasionally wondering why they can’t concentrate.

    The other is closing the book, testing themselves, solving problems and explaining the concept in their own words.

    Technically, both studied for two hours.

    But those two hours were not equally useful.

    This is where things like active recall, spaced practice and feedback come in. Learning tends to work better when we’re actually doing something with information instead of repeatedly looking at it and hoping our brain will absorb it through osmosis.

    And this is one of the most annoying truths about studying:

    Effort and effectiveness are not the same thing.

    You can work extremely hard and still use a method that isn’t working particularly well for you.

    That doesn’t mean you’re lazy.

    It means you might need a better strategy.

    Sometimes Your Brain Just Says, “Not Today.”

    There are also days when your intelligence isn’t the problem.

    Your brain is simply tired.

    We’ve all had those study sessions where we read the same paragraph five times and somehow absorb absolutely nothing.

    Then we sleep, wake up the next morning, read it once and suddenly think, “Oh. That’s what it meant.”

    The textbook didn’t suddenly become easier overnight.

    You were just in a better state to understand it.

    Sleep affects attention and memory. Stress can make concentration harder. Distractions divide our attention. Being mentally exhausted makes learning more difficult.

    Even your interest in the subject matters.

    Let’s be honest. You can spend an hour learning something you’re genuinely curious about and barely notice the time passing. Give yourself the same hour with a subject you couldn’t care less about and suddenly every five minutes feels like a personal attack.

    So when we compare study hours, we’re leaving out a huge part of the equation: what was happening inside and around the person during those hours?

    What About People Who Seem to Understand Everything Immediately?

    Here’s where things get interesting.

    Sometimes people who appear to learn extremely quickly aren’t necessarily learning as deeply as we think they are.

    There’s a difference between recognising something and actually knowing it.

    You can read a paragraph and think, “Yes, yes, I know this.”

    But close the book and explain it without looking.

    Can you?

    Can you use the concept in a completely different situation?

    Can you remember it next month?

    That’s where the difference between familiarity and genuine understanding starts to show.

    This is why short-term performance can be misleading.

    The person who finished the chapter first isn’t necessarily the person who will remember it six months later.

    Learning isn’t a race where whoever reaches the last page first gets a trophy.

    And Then We Make It Personal

    The real problem starts when we turn differences in learning speed into judgments about ourselves.

    They understood it in one hour. I needed three.

    Maybe I’m not smart enough.

    They remembered everything after one reading. I needed to revise it five times.

    Maybe I’m just bad at this.

    We do this constantly.

    And sometimes it’s not even about studying. We see someone pick up a skill quickly, learn a language, understand a new software at work or excel at something we’ve been struggling with, and immediately turn their progress into evidence against ourselves.

    But someone else’s learning curve isn’t a measurement of your intelligence.

    Of course, there are genuine differences in ability. Pretending otherwise isn’t helpful either.

    Some people will simply be better at certain things than we are.

    That’s life.

    But needing more time doesn’t automatically mean you’re incapable. It might mean you’re learning something unfamiliar. It might mean your method isn’t working. It might mean you need more practice.

    Or maybe you just need another hour.

    That’s not a character flaw.

    So, Can We Become Better Learners?

    Thankfully, yes.

    We can’t completely redesign our brains, and no productivity hack is going to turn all of us into human encyclopaedias.

    But we can get better at learning.

    We can figure out what we already know before starting something new. We can stop relying entirely on rereading and start testing ourselves. We can break difficult ideas into smaller pieces. We can ask for feedback instead of assuming we understand something because it looks familiar.

    And we can sleep.

    Seriously. Sometimes the revolutionary study technique is going to bed.

    Most importantly, we can stop making someone else’s speed the deadline for our own progress.

    The goal isn’t to become the person who learns everything fastest.

    It’s to become someone who knows how they learn best.

    Maybe We’re Measuring the Wrong Thing

    We live in a world that really likes speed.

    Fast answers. Fast results. Fast promotions. Fast learning.

    We’re constantly being told to optimise everything, including how quickly we can understand a chapter.

    So naturally, we start believing that the fastest learner must be the smartest person in the room.

    But learning is much messier than that.

    Some people have more background knowledge. Some have cognitive advantages in particular areas. Some have better teachers. Some have better study habits. Some are more rested. Some are simply more interested in the subject.

    And sometimes, the person who takes longer is doing something the faster learner isn’t.

    They’re building the foundation properly.

    Maybe the better question isn’t, “Why did they learn this faster than me?”

    Maybe it’s:

    “Do I understand this well enough to remember it, use it and build on it?”

    Because speed tells us something about learning.

    It just doesn’t tell us everything.

    And honestly, I’d rather understand something slowly and actually keep it than understand it in twenty minutes and forget it by Friday.

    Let me know your thoughts below 👇🏻💕

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  • Why We Romanticize Other People’s Lives

    From cottagecore to old money, dark academia to van life, there seems to be an aesthetic for almost every kind of life we could possibly want. You can open Pinterest or Instagram and within five minutes, you can find yourself imagining that you should be living in a cottage in the countryside, waking up at 6 a.m. to make bread, studying in an old library, travelling around in a van or spending your evenings in a perfectly decorated apartment with a book and a cup of coffee.

    And sometimes, while looking at these pictures, our own lives can suddenly feel a little less interesting. The routine we’ve been complaining about for months looks even more boring. Our bedroom doesn’t look as pretty. Our mornings aren’t as productive. We aren’t travelling enough. We aren’t reading enough. We aren’t living the kind of life that seems worth photographing.

    But do we actually want these people’s lives? Or do we just want the feeling we imagine comes with them?

    The Internet Turned Lifestyles Into Aesthetics

    I think one of the strangest things the internet has done is turn entire lifestyles into aesthetics. We don’t just see someone living a certain way anymore. We see a carefully packaged version of that life, complete with a colour palette, clothes, music, interiors and a very specific mood.

    Cottagecore isn’t simply about living in the countryside. It has become a fantasy of a slower life. It’s baking something from scratch, picking flowers, reading by a window and spending an afternoon doing absolutely nothing without feeling guilty about it. Old money isn’t necessarily about wanting to be rich either. A lot of what people romanticize about it is the idea of security, elegance and having a life that feels put together without looking like you’re trying too hard.

    Dark academia has its own version of the fantasy. Old libraries, handwritten notes, classical music, rainy afternoons and piles of books make studying and intellectual curiosity look almost romantic. Then there’s van life, which turns the idea of leaving everything behind into this beautiful picture of freedom, adventure and waking up somewhere new every morning.

    We’ve become very good at recognizing the visual language of a lifestyle. We know what cottagecore looks like. We know what old money looks like. We know what a dark academia bedroom looks like. We can probably identify a clean girl morning routine within three seconds.

    But knowing what a life looks like isn’t the same thing as knowing what living that life actually feels like.

    We Don’t Romanticize the Reality, We Romanticize the Edit

    This is probably the biggest reason other people’s lives look so appealing to us. We aren’t seeing the whole thing.

    We’re seeing the parts that made it onto the internet.

    Nobody is posting the leaking roof of the cottage when they’re talking about how peaceful countryside living is. We don’t see the loneliness that can come with living far away from everyone. We see the beautiful apartment, but not necessarily the financial stress that comes with maintaining it. We see someone travelling around in a van with an incredible view outside the window, but we don’t see the uncomfortable mattress, the lack of privacy or what happens when the van breaks down.

    Even dark academia has this problem. We see someone sitting in a beautiful library surrounded by books and suddenly studying looks like something out of a movie. We don’t see the deadlines, the difficult subjects, the exhaustion or the hours spent staring at the same page without understanding anything.

    That’s because we’re not really comparing our ordinary life to someone else’s ordinary life. We’re comparing our ordinary Tuesday to their best photograph.

    And when you put it that way, of course their life looks better.

    We see the highlight reel and mentally fill in everything else with perfection. We assume the cottage means peace, the travelling means freedom, the beautiful apartment means happiness and the successful career means fulfilment. We don’t actually know any of that. We’re just attaching feelings to images.

    So What Are We Actually Searching For?

    Maybe that’s why I don’t think the aesthetic itself is always the important part. What interests me more is what we’re actually looking for underneath it.

    If you’re constantly saving pictures of cottages, maybe you don’t actually want to leave your life and become a farmer. Maybe you’re just tired of how fast everything feels and want a little more slowness. Maybe you want to spend more time outside. Maybe you want mornings that aren’t immediately filled with notifications, deadlines and things you need to do.

    If you’re obsessed with old money aesthetics, maybe it’s not the expensive clothes or fancy houses you’re attracted to. Maybe it’s the feeling of security. The idea of having enough money, enough stability and enough confidence that you don’t constantly have to worry about what happens next.

    If you’re drawn to dark academia, perhaps you don’t actually want to spend your life studying in an ancient university. Maybe you simply miss feeling curious. Maybe you want to read more, learn something difficult or feel intellectually stimulated again.

    And if you keep watching people travel from one place to another, perhaps you don’t actually want to live out of a suitcase. Maybe you just want more freedom. Maybe you’re bored with your routine and want to feel like there’s something waiting for you outside of it.

    The aesthetic is often just the packaging. What we’re really attracted to is the feeling we associate with it.

    The Life We Want Is Often Hidden Inside the Fantasy

    I actually think this is where romanticizing other people’s lives can become useful.

    Sometimes the things we obsess over are telling us something about our own lives that we haven’t paid enough attention to. We might spend hours looking at somebody else’s lifestyle without realizing that we’re really responding to something we’re missing.

    If you keep romanticizing slow mornings, maybe you’re exhausted. If you keep romanticizing travel, maybe you need a break. If you’re constantly looking at people’s creative careers, maybe there’s a creative part of your own life that you’ve been neglecting.

    That doesn’t mean you need to copy them.

    This is where I think we sometimes get it wrong. We see something that makes us want a different life and immediately assume we need to recreate the entire thing. If someone looks happy living in the countryside, we think we need to move to the countryside. If someone seems fulfilled travelling, we think we need to quit our job and become a digital nomad.

    But maybe you only wanted one part of what they have.

    Maybe you wanted the quiet, not the cottage. The freedom, not the van. The books, not the university. The confidence, not the wardrobe.

    But There’s a Dark Side to Romanticizing

    Of course, there is a point where romanticizing stops being inspiration and starts becoming dissatisfaction.

    Instead of asking ourselves what we could change about our actual lives, we start looking for an aesthetic that will make us feel like we’re living differently. We buy the clothes, redecorate our rooms, change our playlists, make Pinterest boards and start planning a completely new version of ourselves.

    And there’s nothing wrong with any of those things individually. I love a good Pinterest board as much as anyone. But sometimes we’re decorating the surface because it’s easier than dealing with what’s underneath it.

    You can make your bedroom look like a dark academia library and still not read the books sitting on the shelf. You can buy the perfect planner and still not know what you’re doing with your life. You can dress like the person you want to become and still feel exactly the same inside.

    An aesthetic can make your life prettier. It can’t automatically make your life better.

    That’s the difference between using an aesthetic as inspiration and using it as an escape.

    We Want Main-Character Lives Without Main-Character Problems

    There’s also something slightly funny about the way we romanticize other people’s lives because we tend to want the beautiful parts without thinking about everything that comes with them.

    We want the Parisian apartment, but probably not the loneliness that can come with moving to another country. We want the countryside, but not necessarily the isolation. We want the academic life, but not the workload. We want entrepreneurial freedom, but not the uncertainty that comes with not knowing where your next paycheque is coming from.

    We want to wake up somewhere beautiful, but we’d still like a comfortable bed. We want spontaneity, but we’d also like our plans to work out. We want freedom, but we’d rather not deal with the instability that sometimes comes with it.

    And honestly, I don’t think that’s a particularly terrible thing. It’s just human.

    We are naturally drawn to the parts of life that look beautiful from a distance. The problem is when we forget that every life has parts that don’t look good from a distance.

    Maybe We Aren’t Jealous of Their Lives

    The more I think about this, the more I wonder if what we feel when we look at other people’s lives is always jealousy.

    Sometimes, I think, it’s recognition.

    You see someone travelling and realize how badly you’ve wanted an adventure. You see someone writing every day and remember that you used to have a creative side that you’ve been putting off. You see someone living a slower life and suddenly realize just how tired you’ve become.

    Sometimes another person’s life doesn’t make you want to be them. It makes you remember a version of yourself.

    And maybe that’s why certain people’s lives affect us more than others. We aren’t necessarily jealous of the person. We’re responding to something they represent.

    The traveller represents freedom. The writer represents creativity. The person with the quiet countryside life represents peace. The person with the successful career represents ambition or possibility.

    Other people’s lives can become mirrors, and sometimes we don’t like what they show us because they remind us of things we’ve been ignoring.

    The Question We Should Be Asking Instead

    So maybe the better question isn’t, Why don’t I have their life?

    Maybe it’s, What exactly about their life am I attracted to?

    That question changes everything.

    If it’s the quiet you’re attracted to, how can you create more quiet in your own life? If it’s freedom, where can you give yourself more independence? If it’s creativity, when was the last time you actually made something? If it’s travel, can you start planning a trip instead of endlessly watching other people travel?

    You don’t necessarily need to quit your job and move to a cottage because you fell in love with a cottagecore Pinterest board. Maybe you just need to spend Sunday morning without your phone.

    You don’t need to become an academic because you like dark academia. Maybe you just need to start reading again.

    You don’t need to live in a van because you crave freedom. Maybe you need to take a solo trip, change your routine or simply give yourself permission to do something that isn’t productive.

    Sometimes we don’t need a completely different life. We just need more of the things that make our current life feel like ours.

    Build the Life Behind the Aesthetic

    I don’t think we’ll ever completely stop romanticizing other people’s lives. There will always be someone with a prettier apartment, a more interesting career, a better travel story, a more exciting relationship or a lifestyle that looks more appealing than ours from the outside.

    And that’s okay.

    The problem isn’t imagining what another life might feel like. The problem is forgetting that we’re looking at an edited version of it.

    Maybe we can use these fantasies differently. Instead of asking why someone else’s life looks so much better than ours, we can ask what their life is showing us about ourselves.

    Maybe the cottage is telling you that you need more peace. Maybe the travel photos are telling you that you need more adventure. Maybe the books are telling you that you miss being curious. Maybe the beautifully independent woman you’re following is reminding you that you want to become more independent yourself.

    We don’t have to become the people we romanticize.

    Maybe we just have to listen to what our fascination with them is trying to tell us.

    Because sometimes the life we’re obsessing over isn’t actually the life we want.

    It’s a clue about the life we want to build.

    What do you think? Let me know your thoughts below 👇🏻💕

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  • My Relationship With Romance.

    Screenshot

    I think I’ve fallen out of love with romance. I used to be someone who could get completely absorbed in a romance. A love story could carry an entire book or show for you.

    But now?

    I recently picked up a contemporary romance and found myself thinking, Is this it? 

    I just watched the Love hypothesis Amazon’s adaptation, and finished reading From Lukrov with love, and I don’t know what I was thinking the whole time. I started the book on 10th September, and it took me 18 days to finish the book, not because I am a slow reader, but because I just couldn’t get into it. There were times, when I would just keep the book down, close it and place it away from me. I try to look for alternatives to get back to something more interesting. 

    It’s not necessarily bad. Not necessarily offensive. 

    Just… Bland. I am pretty sure people found it lovely, but it just wasn’t for me. 

    Same with the movie “Love Hypothesis” as well, I just couldn’t get into it. Again it wasn’t necessarily bad, but it seemed quite boring to me. 

    And that raises the question of what changed. 


    When Romance Used to Feel Like an Event

    Going back to what romance used to feel like to me.

    The anticipation.

    The longing.

    The tension between two people.

    The feeling that something was happening every time the characters were together.

    When I was younger, a great romance made me feel happy and giddy. It made me feel amazing, and it made me want to experience that kind of love someday.

    Titanic Jack and Rose, Damon and Elena from The Vampire Diaries were some of the first romances that really captivated me. I loved the tension, the yearning, the falling in love, the confession and, of course, the first kiss.

    What I loved most was the anticipation. Two people trying to fight their feelings but eventually being unable to resist them. Pride and Prejudice (2005), Bridgerton Season 2 and The Vampire Diaries Seasons 3 and 4 gave me that feeling. I wanted to keep watching because I genuinely needed to know what would happen between the characters.

    I loved banter, chemistry, dialogue and those tiny romantic gestures that made a relationship feel like it was slowly becoming something more.

    Somewhere along the way, though, that feeling disappeared.

    I first noticed it while watching Arafta. I was bored, so I tried another show. Then another. They all felt the same.

    And I realised I hadn’t really felt captivated by a romance since Queen Charlotte.

    Maybe I haven’t stopped loving romance. Maybe I just haven’t found one that makes me feel it anymore.

    Then Modern Romance Started Losing Me

    Contemporary romance increasingly feels formulaic to me.

    The same tropes, the same character dynamics, the same banter, the same misunderstandings. The same perfectly attractive people with conveniently marketable personalities. The same relationship progression.

    And instead of getting swept away, I’m sitting here noticing the formula.

    But for me personally, I just can’t get behind it. There is nothing exciting about 2 people falling in love just by having forced banter (and it’s not even good). Every enemies to lovers book has the same trope of banter and I hate you, but they have absolutely no actual reason for it. Also the normalisation of abuse, murder and weird crimes all in the name of dark romance.

    There is no yearning, no naturally falling in love, no banter that has chemistry. All I keep seeing is the man abusing the girl, killing people, she hates him, but then falls in love…. That’s not romance to me. That’s abuse being dressed up as devotion. . 

    Get the fuck out of there girl!!

    Where is your shame and dignity? Where is the respect for yourself? 

    Everyone Has Chemistry, But Nothing Feels Electric

    I think one of my biggest problems with modern romance is that everyone seems to have chemistry, but somehow nothing feels electric.

    Characters flirt, kiss, constantly talk about how attracted they are to each other, and yet I’m sitting there thinking, Okay… and? 

    The romance is there, technically, but I don’t feel anything. It feels like the story is telling me that these two people have chemistry instead of actually making me feel it.

    Maybe that’s because what I loved about romance was never just the attraction. It was everything that came before it. The tension. The banter. The little looks. The moments where you could tell they were falling for each other but neither of them wanted to admit it. Give me two people trying desperately not to fall in love and slowly losing that battle, and I’m invested.

    Like on season 1 episode 19 of TVD, when Elena participated in the town’s pageant Miss Mystic Falls and expected Stephan to be there to escort her, but he didn’t show up. And then Damon steps in to take his brother’s place as her escort. And they danced!!

    Girl!! The chemistry was chemistying!!!! 

    I miss when a simple conversation could make me pause, or when one small gesture could feel more romantic than an entire kissing scene. When you could feel the chemistry building without the characters constantly having to spell it out.

    I think that’s what I mean when I say romance used to feel like an event. The anticipation was the romance. And somewhere along the way, I think we’ve become too eager to get to the actual relationship and forgotten how good it feels to make us wait for it. 

    I Miss the Slow Burn

    I think I miss the kind of slow burn where the romance actually takes time to happen. Not just two characters being labelled enemies-to-lovers and taking 400 pages to finally kiss, but genuinely getting to know each other and slowly realising that something is changing.

    I want the uncertainty. The stolen glances. The conversations that mean more than they seem to. The feeling that they are falling for each other before they even realise it themselves.

    Sometimes modern romance feels like it is in such a hurry to get to the relationship that it forgets to make me care about how they got there. And for me, getting there was always the best part.

    Why Classic Romance Still Works for Me

    Maybe this is why I still love classic romance. There is something about the restraint that makes everything feel more intense.

    Take Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth and Darcy don’t need to constantly tell each other how attracted they are. Half the fun is in trying to figure out what they’re actually thinking. A look, a conversation, a letter, a change in behaviour can suddenly feel incredibly romantic.

    There is also something about the atmosphere of these stories that I miss. The language, the settings, the longing, the fact that people couldn’t just text each other whenever they wanted. There was more room for anticipation.

    I’m not saying everything old is automatically better. It isn’t. But classic romance seems to understand something I’ve started missing: sometimes holding back can make you feel more.

    The Problem Isn’t That Romance Has Become Modern

    I don’t think my problem is simply that romance has become modern. That would be too easy.

    I’ve enjoyed contemporary romances. I’ve loved some of them. So clearly, modernity isn’t the problem.

    I think something else has changed. Romance feels more self-aware now. More trope-driven. More explicit. Sometimes it feels like the story knows exactly what it is supposed to give the reader: banter, sexual tension, a certain type of male lead, a certain type of heroine, a kiss at exactly the right point.

    And maybe that’s part of why I struggle with it.

    I can see the formula now.

    And once I can see the formula, it’s much harder for me to get lost in the story.

    Maybe I’m Just Not Looking for Romance Anymore

    There is also a possibility I have to consider: maybe I have changed.

    Maybe romance simply isn’t enough for me anymore. I want characters I find interesting, stories that surprise me, friendships, complicated personalities, ambition, family, mystery, something beyond two attractive people figuring out whether they want to kiss each other.

    Maybe I can still enjoy romance, but I no longer need it to be the centre of a story.

    And honestly, that feels strange to admit because there was a time when romance could carry an entire story for me.

    Now, it has to give me a reason to care.

    I Still Want to Fall in Love With a Love Story

    But I don’t think I’ve given up on romance completely.

    I still want that feeling.

    I still want the butterflies and the yearning. I still want to become ridiculously invested in two fictional people and desperately want them to get together. I still want a confession that makes me pause the screen for a second because I need to process what just happened.

    I just haven’t found much of that lately.

    And maybe that’s why I’m not bored with romance itself. I’m bored with being given romance without being given a reason to feel it.

    Conclusion : Maybe My Taste Changed, Maybe Romance Did Too

    Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe romance has changed. Maybe it’s a little bit of both.

    I don’t think I can say that modern romance is objectively worse, because clearly there are people who love it, and there are contemporary romances that I’ve enjoyed too. But I also can’t ignore how differently I experience it now. Something that once had me completely invested can now leave me feeling strangely indifferent.

    And that’s probably the part that fascinates me the most. I still love romance. I still love the idea of two people slowly falling for each other. I still want the tension, the yearning, the banter and the butterflies. I still want that moment where everything finally clicks and you realise, Oh, they are completely in love with each other.

    I just don’t seem to find that feeling as easily anymore.

    I can still go back to Pride and Prejudice, Titanic, The Vampire Diaries, or Bridgerton Season 2 and feel something that so many newer romances haven’t been able to give me. Maybe it’s nostalgia. Maybe it’s the stories themselves. Maybe I’ve simply become harder to impress.

    Whatever the reason, I don’t think I’ve stopped being a romantic. I think I’ve become someone who wants romance to actually make me feel something before I call it romantic.

    Maybe that’s what I’m looking for now. Not a story that has all the right tropes, the perfect-looking couple, or enough chemistry on paper.

    I want a love story that makes me forget I’m reading or watching one.

    I want to feel the romance again.

    Let me know your thoughts below 👇🏻💕

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  • The Best Fictional Homes I’d Happily Move Into

    When I think about it, the fictional characters have some seriously incredible homes, and honestly, some of them are more tempting than the actual plot.

    There are so many homes I wanted to live in. And now I get to talk about it 😁

    My Dream Fictional Homes

    1. Pemberley + Mr Darcy’s Estate
     Yes obviously, it’s gonna be here. The estate was talked about in Pride and Prejudice . 

    Why I’d Move In
    Just look at the god damn place? It’s so huge. There is The Dining Parlour, The Saloon, The Picture Gallery, The Tasteful Decor, The Exterior Grounds. So much more. Why wouldn’t I want to live there?

    The Catch
    The biggest downside would have been Lady Catherine de Bourgh. I wouldn’t have wanted her to visit me at all.


    2. The Burrow + Home Of The Weasley Family


    Yes I would move here too, if I am looking for a crowd to be honest. The estate was talked about in Pride and Prejudice . 

    Why I’d Move In
    The place was old, but pretty. There was The Kitchen, The Magical Clock, Self-Washing Dishes (I mean who wouldn’t want that) and The Orchard/Garden.

    The Catch
    The biggest downside would have been me being over-stimulated and them being too loud. It would have been too crowded for me



    3. Hogwarts Castle


    I mean are we really going to ask why? I always wanted Hagrid to show up at my home and tell me that “You are a wizard”.  

    Why I’d Move In
    OMG, it would have been magical. And imagine the amount of adventure there would be every day. There is The Moving Staircases, The Great Hall, The Room of Requirement, The Chamber of Secrets and Enchanted Classrooms and Dungeons. 

    The Catch
    The biggest downside is Voldemort. 😶



    4. Barbie’s Dreamhouse  + Barbie’s Home


     Specifically, the 1990s one. I want to live in that mansion even now as a grown adult. It was a cultural movement.  

    Why I’d Move In
    As I told you, it was a cultural movement for a lot of girls. It had everything in it. Things you can’t even imagine were also there. There was The 3-Story Spiral Slide, Interactive Smart Furniture, The Pet Paradise, Wheelchair-Accessible Elevators.

    The Catch
    I don’t think there is any downside to living there. It would have been perfect and magical.



    5. The Salvatore Boarding House + The Salvatore brother’s home


     It’s from The Vampire Diaries…. That’s it, that should be enough to tell you about it. It was a really beautiful house. Old, yes, but so pretty. When I get a bigger hours for myself, you best believe this is going to be my inspiration.

    Why I’d Move In
    Moving into the Salvatore Boarding House comes with massive advantages, specifically regarding unmatched security, historic luxury, and supernatural resources. The Living Room, The Cellar, Damon’s Bedroom, and The Salvatore Library which was packed with centuries-old books, journals detailing family history, and hidden compartments storing weapons, stakes, and vervain.

    The Catch
    Oh I just know this, the biggest downside is the stupid and unwanted encounters with vampires, witches, werewolves and god knows what super nature being. But Damon would protect me. 

    Final Thoughts

    Honestly, fictional homes just hit differently. Maybe it’s the magic, the impossible architecture, or the fact that they come with stories attached to every room. Sure, some of these places might also come with villains, vampires, ghosts, family drama, or the occasional world-ending crisis, but I’m still willing to pack my bags. I just know I would love it.

    Which fictional home would you move into without thinking twice?

    Let me know your thoughts below. 👇🏻💕

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  • Why Adults Need Third Places More Than Ever

    Hmm… I am tired, really tired. My life, my adult life, is so boring. To be honest, it is repetitive. Wake up, work, back home, sleep. Rinse and repeat. It’s almost the same on weekends as well, I don’t really do much on weekends, I just read a book, or watch some podcasts. I can’t even watch a show anymore, I start getting bored. I stopped exercising as well, which wasn’t fun. But I am working on a better routine, and to get back to things I have missed due to my pessimism. 

    I am at a place, when I don’t want to go to work, nor do I want to stay at home. I need a third place. I don’t have one, which is why on my week offs, I just stay in my room and journal my thoughts. Which aren’t productive either. 

    I think I need a third place for myself, that is not home nor work. A cafe? A library? A store? A Market? A gym (I did join it, but it was small and they were forcing me for a private session so I left and started exercising at home)? Maybe a hobby group? A park (Wait, there aren’t any near my place)? Something. I asked my friends to start a book club, but you know that never happened. I really need something for myself to do on my weekends to get out of my mundane life. 

    What Exactly Is a Third Place?

    The concept of a third place is built on the idea that human well-being requires a distinct space outside of home and work to cultivate community and unwind.

    Sociologist Ray Oldenburg introduced this concept to highlight spaces where you can gather informally, meet new people, and experience a sense of belonging without financial or social pressure.

    A third place is a social environment separate from your home (the first place) and your workplace or school (the second place). Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, these public or semi-public spaces foster regular, voluntary, and informal gathering, helping people connect with their communities and feel a sense of belonging.

    The first place represents your domestic environment. It is the foundation of your daily life, offering private shelter and security away from public scrutiny.

    The second place represents your productive environment. It is the structured setting where you spend a significant portion of your day dedicated to labor, education, and economic survival.

    Why Adults Lose Their Third Places

    There are many reasons why adults lose or can’t find their third place. Some of those reason are : 

    • Growing work hours and exhaustion : We usually work 9-5 or more working hours, that takes most of our time.
    • Friendships becoming harder to maintain : The more we grow, the more responsibilities we have and those responsibilities make it harder to maintain any friendships.
       
    • Everything becomes expensive : Capitalism sucks, and we all are a part of it. And this makes it harder for people to do regular visits to a cafe, or any spaces because it costs money, and not everyone can afford it.
    • Socialising increasingly moving online : With the internet, it is much easier to keep in touch with your friends or social communities online, so people have started avoiding getting together.
    • The pressure to make every outing productive, useful, or worth the money : I have felt this too, me and my friends used to have so many things planned for one outing and it would make it overwhelming for us.
    • Moving cities and losing familiar communities : A lot of times, people move from their homes to different places for better opportunities which results in loss of your third place or communities.

    The Loneliness Nobody Talks About

    You can be surrounded by people yet still feel lonely if your interactions lack deep emotional connection or vulnerability. Coworkers and social media followers often provide superficial, role-based, or performative contact rather than genuine intimacy. If you cannot share your true thoughts and feelings with the people around you, you remain isolated inside your own experience.

    Additionally, family and friend dynamics can sometimes feel more draining than supportive due to unmet expectations or a lack of mutual understanding. Social media complicates this by fostering comparison, leaving you feeling left out even while digitally connected. True belonging requires being seen and accepted for who you are, which a large quantity of shallow relationships simply cannot provide.

    Adults often need connection without having to schedule a formal dinner three weeks in advance. The lives we live as an adult require scheduling and managing more than we sometimes think. I have to plan my offs weeks in advance in order to get them approved if I have to go anywhere. And that is not something I look forward to.

    Also, sometimes people just need to be around other humans without performing, networking, dating, or explaining themselves. I love when me and my friends go somewhere and all we do is talk, that’s all. Our thoughts, our lives, our wishes, we talk about everything. And thise are some of my favourite types of outings.

    Third Places Give Us Something Home and Work Can’t

    I don’t know what it is, but I desperately need a sense of belonging outside family roles and professional identity. I have been stuck at home for 3 weeks now, and I feel like I am suffocating. And that has made me realise how important it is to have a life outside home and work. Or at least a place I can just go to, to get peace of mind. 

    We all need it. A space where you’re not someone’s employee, parent, child, partner, or caregiver. You can simply be a regular. Just get your journal, walk in a park or go to a cafe, and sit down with your favourite drink, and just let your shoulders relax. The comfort of familiar faces, routines, and casual conversations is like a dream.

    Why This Matters More Now

    Remote work and hybrid work have blurred the boundaries between home and work. Especially for me, I work from home for 4 days and 1 day at the office. So for me, my room has the same vibe as the office and I dread it so much. I hate waking up, showing up and sitting down at my desk to start working and I stay there for 9hours… That is not normal.

    Many people spend more time online but feel less connected in real life. We are all glued to our phones, but it is still lonely somehow. Communities have become harder to build organically now. It is harder to meet new people every day and start a conversation. I don’t even talk to my co-workers on my work from home days. If it’s not a meeting, we are not talking. 

    And then adult friendships often require too much planning and effort. I start planning months in advance just to meet my friends once in a month. That is so unreal. I don’t know what I am doing, and this is definitely not the life I wanted for myself.

    It Doesn’t Have to Be a Fancy Café

    So, I have decided to find a third place, where I can go whenever I want. I am on a hunt to find a place that doesn’t cost me money. 

    Like… Libraries: I love books, this makes sense. 

    Parks: There really aren’t any near me, but if you have parks, go for it. 

    Walking groups: You know, a lot of uncles and aunties have walking groups. My mother has one too. I didn’t realise it before, but I do now. 

    Religious/community centres: This can be really good for someone who is religious. And for someone who loves to have big communities.

    Hobby clubs: A group of people who do golf together, painting, reading, music, it can be anything. Any hobby that you or your friends, or even a stranger you have common ideas.

    There are so many more like: Public events, gyms, and local classes can all become third places for us. The important thing is consistency and connection.

    The Awkward Part: You Have to Keep Showing Up

    I understand, building a third place doesn’t happen after one visit. You have to give it time, visit more often. Get to know locals / regulars there. Then, you become familiar by returning.

    Relationships often grow through repeated small interactions, not dramatic friendship moments. Try to talk to people more, yes, it can be hard for people, but we can push ourselves just a little bit more for it. If you can’t that is fine too, third places don’t need to be with a community or friends.

    It is especially important for adults who feel like everyone already has their friend group. People who find it hard to fit in, in already established groups / communities. 

    Maybe We’re Not Bad at Making Friends. Maybe We Lost the Spaces That Make Friendship Possible

    Like, in school, it’s so much easier to make friends, because we are all on the same level of intelligence and on the same wave length. Kids are quite great at making friends and having groups. Friendships used to form naturally through repeated proximity.

    As adults, we often expect friendship to happen instantly, while rarely putting ourselves in spaces where we repeatedly see the same people. I have like 4-5 friends in the office, and we don’t talk when working from home. My friends ask to make plans, but to be honest, I don’t like going out with anyone other than my 3 besties. 

    Conclusion: Adults Don’t Just Need More Friends. They Need More Places to Belong

    Maybe adults don’t just need more friends. Maybe we need more places where friendship has the chance to happen.

    A third place isn’t about constantly socialising or surrounding yourself with people. It’s about having somewhere outside of home and work where you can simply exist. Somewhere you don’t need an invitation to enter. Somewhere your presence feels familiar. Somewhere, over time, people might notice when you haven’t shown up.

    Because sometimes loneliness isn’t about having no one in your life. Sometimes it’s about having nowhere to go where you feel like you belong.

    And maybe that’s what so many of us are desperately looking for: not another person to fill our lives, but a place that slowly starts to feel like it has a space for us in it.

    Where is your third place, and if you don’t have one, when did you stop having one?

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