Ladyink with love

Tag: love

  • The Girl I Never Left

    Sometimes the child you were, doesn’t need saving. She just needs to know you never left.

    I dream a lot, I have some weird dreams almost every other day. Just yesterday my friend was telling me about a dream she had, and we were just telling each other about dreams making no sense. And then I remembered my own dream, that inspired me to write this.

    One day I had a dream that I was in my previous rented house, it was empty. I went inside and I started exploring, although in real life the house was not big, but in my dream it was big enough for me to explore. And then I saw a little girl, she was so cute. We spent a lot of time and played together. Then all of a sudden I heard a sound and started following it. When I came back and opened the door of the house the little girl came running to me and started crying and saying “Why did you leave? Why did you leave me alone? I was so scared. No one was there for me.”

    ……. And then, I woke up.

    Once I woke up I realised that I was actually crying in my sleep and the little girl I saw was actually me when I was a small girl. 

    I have felt a lot of things after that, and it was also Covid time. I wrote that dream down to remember it. And then Taylor Swift also released “Forklore”, and there was a song in it called “Seven” and it had a line :

    And I’ve been meaning to tell you
    I think your house is haunted
    Your dad is always mad and that must be why
    And I think you should come live with
    Me and we can be pirates
    Then you won’t have to cry
    Or hide in the closet
    And just like a folk song
    Our love will be passed on 

    This hit me a little hard, because every time I hear it, it’s like I am talking to my younger self. 

    And every time I think about her, all I can think of is, if I had someone older like me around when I was young, I would have felt so protected and safe. Which I really didn’t as a child.

    She would be so proud of me today. She would love to see the kind of person I became. 

    She would smile watching me be stupid yet responsible, silly yet composed when needed. 

    She would find me so cool, me standing up for myself. Believing in me more than others. Maybe also, my collection of BTS albums and my travelling tales.

    I think she would be so surprised to see me work in a corporate company. I didn’t really have a dream job when I was a child.

    She would want to know if I am still friends with the same people we were in school (Good for her we have better company and best friends I would never trade for anything ever.)

    She would see me and hug me for becoming the kind of person we always wanted to be, and getting everything I ever wanted (Except for a million dollar I still wish to receive magically someday.)

    The person I’ve become

    When I talk about the person I have become or the kind of kid I was, it is quite difficult. I can’t say I was an easy child. My mother had a hard time with me, I was the oldest, yet I always felt overlooked, and that made me act out. 

    Now that I have become an adult myself, I think about how as a woman, enduring abuse, becoming a sole provider, and having kids who act out is not easy. It is terrifying, and my mother is an innocent woman. Sometimes I am glad that I am not like her. Things were hard, and having 3 children to look after made it harder.

    So, in a way there are parts of my younger self that I have left behind, but the part of me that questions everything is still the same. I still refuse to listen to people and question everything and that has still been bothering my mother. 

    My younger self would definitely appreciate that we throw out that one toxic person from our life that was taking us down with him. And we grew from it.

    This was also one of things my younger self would not have been able to imagine could happen. 

    Me being able to achieve my freedom, being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want and however I want. Without explaining myself to anyone, are among other things she probably never thought would happen. 

    I always thought things would be okay, I am not sure if I even had any fears other than heights.

    I have only ever been confident enough in myself. But I do think the one thing that made me nervous was studies and now I hold a Master’s degree. 

    My young self was fearless as hell, and that has only grown over the years. I am still the same stubborn and fearless Girl I was at 10 that I am at 29. 

    Dreams

    I never really had dreams, I only ever thought of growing up and earning a lot of money. But the one dream that really came true was that my sister and I bought a house for our family.

    There were so many dream jobs I had as a child, I was never clear on what I really wanted to be when I grew up. That is something that changed was, once in my life I wanted to be a lawyer, which didn’t happen thankfully. I was actually glad that didn’t happen. I would have had a horrible life.

    I just know she’d see those changes as me growing up because it all happened for good. Because I was able to do what I actually love, writing. 

    And writing matters to me now that she couldn’t yet understand, because I love it. I did it as a child too, but never really took it as seriously as I do now.

    I know if I explain my current goals to her, would she eventually nod and say, “That makes sense.” Because it does, we both love it. She as a hobby, me as my passion.

    Values

    We as people all have a lot of values, and I do too, even as a child. One of those values was loyalty. 

    My Loyalty is something that is still intact in me since my childhood. She was a very loyal person and so am I.

    That has made me a safe person to people, because I always stand for people and myself. I call our people when I think it deserves to be called out. So, I know I would be a safe person and make her feel safe. I am a feisty fighter. I always protect my own.

    So that if people have issues and they want to talk to someone they know they have me. And that is something she would feel as well, and look at me as an adult to run to when she is scared.  

    Other than Loyalty, there are other things that I also kept with me.

    Like my curiosity is something I have kept the same. I was always a curious child, questioning everything and everyone. That has irritated people 🙃 but I still wanted to know. 

    I am the same way now. 🙂‍↔️

    I still want to know everything and anything.

    I am not sure if that is something like a promise I have kept, but I think the biggest promise I kept without realising is to be true to myself. 

    I can never be two-faced with anyone. If I don’t like something or someone I do not pretend to be nice. I can never fake myself for something or someone. 

    Healing

    My whole childhood was anything but normal, I grew up in an abusive household, and that is something not just me, but my whole family had to heal from.

    Because of which I have a lot of trust issues in relationships. I do try to give people the benefit of doubt and let people in. Even though it takes a lot of time and effort, it protects me from a lot of pain. 

    All of my experiences in life have made me realise that there is nothing in my previous life that would comfort her. I have had it pretty weird. But I do think my life now, my mindset today is something that will comfort her a lot.

    And that is something I think she will thank me for, being able to grow from the hurt.

    And yet, there are so many parts of her I have made rooms for, like the innocence. The silly parts, the talkative and the curious parts.

    Everyday life

    Although I don’t really have a big room, I think she wouldn’t mind, but I am not sure if that is something she would love.

    I imagine a little me coming in the rooms asking if it is our home, and me saying yes.

    And then looking at the books I own. The amount and kind of books I have read, that is something I think would excite her a lot. 

    Then looking at all my clothes. I wear almost everything and anything. I know that is something she would find shocking. Especially now, because when I was a child I had to dress like a boy. My parents would dress me more like a boy, I even had pictures of myself in it, and it looked like my brother. I hated it. 

    I remember having 2 skirts as a child, one was a denim skirt with green top and the other was a blue slightly thick cloth with a white top. I would wear those 2 skirts all the time, everywhere I went until I grew out of it, because that was the only clothes I had that would make me feel like a girl. I never felt like myself in those clothes, I wanted to feel like a girl, but my parents’ weird ways of dressing made me feel like a boy too. 

    My sister was somehow allowed to wear girls clothes like frocks and skirts because apparently “She looked good in it.” I actually have a lot of resentment because of this. 

    One of the reasons why, now my clothes are more girly and cool. I have a good sense of style for myself. I always wear makeup and dress and style myself like a woman, and I refuse to wear anything that can look remotely closer to a man (You could say this is one thing I never healed from? I don’t know if it needs healing). I don’t hate pants or anything, but even if I wear clothes like pants and shirts, I style it more feminine. 

    That is not something I think that is concerning….. However, she might be concerned about my humor, because let’s be honest, my dark self deprecating humor is quite troubling. 

    It is one of my hobbies tho, making jokes about myself (But let’s not get it twisted, I only joke about myself with everyone except my family. Because they keep making fun of me for everything)….. 😂

    That being said, she would love my hobbies. Exercising, writing and listening to music. 

    Yep Absolute heaven. 

    Keeping my mouth aside, I have quite intellectual hobbies. That keeps me sane.

    Oh and let’s not forget BTS. 😜

    Character

    After everything, when I talk about the kind of character I have…. It doesn’t really soothe anything at all. I am not a bad person, but I am not the nicest one in the room either. 

    The only reason I am not in jail is because I haven’t committed a crime, but the way I talk sometimes I might as well be locked up. 😂

    Well unfortunately for her, I for one have not become kinder at all. I am the same sharp-mouth girl I was, but I have developed a filter now. 

    I have become more empathetic and compassionate when needed, but kinder…. I would doubt that.

    One thing that I can be really certain about is, I have become stronger, I am a lot more stronger and smarter than I was as a child.

    That in no way means I care more about people. Let’s be honest, I am definitely not a people’s person. I hate people, but I do care about my people, my friends and my family.

    You know the irony of it all, I have to talk to people in my job all day every day. And I hate it.   

    Anyways, I still stand up for myself and have stronger boundaries. I don’t let people walk all over me, and I refuse to be pressured into doing something I don’t want to.

    The hard questions

    I am a simple person, I stay out of trouble and try to keep a clean, simple, drama free life, so I don’t think there is anything in my life that will disappoint her (because let’s be honest, you need to do something reckless to make a disappointing decision).

    When I think about my childhood, the only joy I miss is how careless everything was, all I had to do was study and get good grades. That’s that kind of luxury I don’t have anymore.

    I don’t even remember when I became so busy and lost my childhood. Maybe when I turned 13, I don’t remember being a child since then, I got my periods, things changed for me. 

    It’s not that I regret anything, but I think we all think about how life was easier when we were kids. 

    Honestly, the last couple of years I have tried my hardest to heal myself. I was able to do that for myself, which made me connect with my younger self more. Every part of her that I wanted to connect with is already with me, it’s like I never let her go.

    If there is a part of advice I needed to give to her it would be : 

    You will have a lot of falls, you will lose most of your childhood friends, you will lose your father. You will have rejections, you will have to mourn the deaths of people. You will have a lot of lows. But it is necessary for all the ups and self love you will experience. You will have true friendships. You will not find love (at least not at 29… maybe later) but you will have you, and that will be your biggest strength.

    Conclusion

    At the end, all I can think of is her being proud of me. She would look at me and think, I am so cool and pretty. She would definitely want to be me when we grow up.

    Now that I think about the dream I had during Covid, and I think of my younger self asking me why I left, all I want to say is that I never left. She was with me the whole time. I never let her go, I grew up, yes. But I kept her alive with me. 

    People might not see her, but I do. I know there will be someday I might trust people enough to see her, see that side of me. But for now, baby girl it’s just you and me.

    Let me know your thoughts below 👇🏻💕

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  • The Loneliest Part of Healing Is That No One Claps for It

    The most important milestones in our lives are often the ones no one else sees.

    We celebrate promotions.
    We celebrate weddings.
    We celebrate graduations.
    But nobody congratulates you for finally sleeping through the night without thinking about someone who broke your heart.

    I myself have been through things in my life and it took me 5years to heal myself and get out of that head space. There is so much trauma we all go through, some get it together easily and for some it takes time.

    But one thing I have learned is, no one can heal you, you have to heal yourself. You have to take that step yourself.

    What healing actually looks like?

    Talk about how healing isn’t dramatic. Healing isn’t a straight line and doesn’t mean forgetting the past. Instead, it looks like pausing before reacting, setting boundaries instead of people-pleasing, and bouncing back faster from bad days. It’s about integrating your experiences so they don’t dominate your present.
    True recovery manifests in a few subtle but profound ways:
    A quieter nervous system: You feel physically safer, experiencing fewer stress-related headaches or muscle tension.Mindful responses: Instead of instantly spiraling or snapping, you can take a breath and name your emotions (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed”).
    Reclaiming your energy: The past no longer monopolizes your mental space. You can engage with past triggers without being hijacked by them.
    Practicing self-compassion: You allow yourself to feel grief, make mistakes, and say “no” without judging yourself.

    Is Healing ment to be seen?
    Healing is absolutely meant to be seen, both by you and by the world around you. This realization is often a major turning point because it shifts your perspective from hiding your pain to honoring your growth.
    When healing becomes visible, it shows up in clear, tangible changes:
    In Your Body and Presence
    • Open posture: Unclenching your jaw, dropping your shoulders, and making steady eye contact.
    • Calmer voice: Speaking with a grounded, unhurried pace because you feel safe being heard.
    • Brighter energy: Carrying less physical heaviness, which naturally makes you look lighter and more present.
    In Your Daily Choices
    • Visible boundaries: Saying a clear “no” out loud without over-explaining or apologizing.
    • Active self-care: Leaving a stressful environment or choosing to rest without hiding it as a secret guilt.
    • Openly seeking joy: Actively participating in hobbies, laughing freely, and accepting compliments.
    In Your Connections
    • Authentic sharing: Speaking about your past struggles in the past tense, without shame or emotional spirals.
    • Healthy vulnerability: Letting safe people see your imperfections instead of masking them behind a perfect facade.
    • Deepening relationships: Attracting people who respect your growth and phase out those who only liked your old, people-pleasing habits.

    Conclusion
    We often think healing ends with a grand moment. A dramatic realization. A version of ourselves that no longer hurts.

    But healing rarely announces its arrival.

    It quietly slips into the ordinary moments. The day you stop replaying the conversation in your head. The moment you choose peace instead of proving a point. The first time you laugh without guilt. The day you realize you no longer recognize the person who once carried so much pain.

    Maybe no one will ever know how many nights you spent putting yourself back together. They won’t see the boundaries you fought to build, the habits you had to unlearn, or the courage it took to choose yourself over what was familiar.

    And that’s okay.

    Because healing was never a performance. It was never about convincing the world that you’re doing better. It was about creating a life where you no longer have to survive every single day.

    No one may clap for your healing.

    But one day, you’ll wake up and realize you don’t need them to.

    The peace you’ve built for yourself will always be louder than the applause you never received.

    Let me know your thoughts below 👇🏻💕

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  • I Didn’t Expect to Love This Album…

    A track-by-track review of Olivia Rodrigo’s You seem pretty sad for a girl so in love from someone who wasn’t expecting to become a fan.

    Album Overview

    • Artist: Olivia Rodrigo
    • Album: You seem pretty sad for a girl so in love
    • Release Date: 13 June 2026
    • Genre: pop album
    • Number of Tracks: 13
    • Length: 54:45 minutes

    Before I Pressed Play

    The last time I reviewed an album was “Life of a showgirl” and I was really disappointed. Her album has not been a hit as much to me since “Folklore”. To me, that was her last best album. 

    I have been searching for a good album since and I did get “Man’s bestfriend” and “Arirang” but I’ll talk about those albums next time (maybe do a review of those albums after ♾️ times).

    I am not an Olivia fan at all, nor do I hate her. I personally do not get connected to her songs much. I do have a few I like, like deja vu, vampire and happier. But that’s all, she is too young so naturally her previous albums have been about teenage experiences. I have been out of it for a while now. 

    And the album name is too big?? “You seem pretty sad for a girl so in love” that is a huge name for an album. It took me 2 business days to learn it.

    The only reason I decided to hear this album is because I really liked her song “The Cure”. So I decided that I should check it out.

    So here I am 😁

    I actually do not have much expectations because of how music is right now, the songs aren’t really hitting anymore. Also I don’t keep up much with her, so I probably won’t get the references.

    I am gonna read about each song, what their stories are and everything to try and understand this album as much as I can.

    Here I go with my headphones 🎧 on where everyone in my house is sleeping at 4:20 am….😶

    It is in fact, going to be my late night thoughts 💭 

    Track 1: [Drop Dead]

    First Listen

    It was a nice song, I liked it. It’s a good opener, letting the listener into her album.

    It’s quite catchy and growing up in me. I had to listen to it 2-3 times to form an opinion. I really liked how she started alternate rapping in the middle part of the song.

    And she is talking about her being a Pisces and him being a Gemini, water signs and air signs aren’t really that compatible. So using that to show how even though at first it seems like they are not compatible she thinks they could work well.

    Lyrics

    So, the song is about meeting someone for a first date, and the date goes well. More like giddy and lovesick about the person or the date itself.

    She sings about Pisces and Gemini too, which I learned she is a Pisces and her ex is a Gemini.

    The theme is basically the nervousness of meeting them for the first time.

    Production

    It sounds good, for an opener it is a good song. I really like the pacing of the song. It’s a synth pop or pop rock song. Quite upbeat and happy. 

    Standout Moment

    There is this alternative-rap inspired segment in the middle of the song that was unexpected.

    Replay Value

    I am not sure if I would willingly come back to it, but if the song plays I will not skip it.

    Rating

    ⭐ 9/10

    Track 2: [Stupid Song]

    First Listen

    Okay, I am half way through the song… and I absolutely love this. (Will report back once done. 🙂)

    I am back, and I love this one a lot. This is an amazing song. I can already tell this will stay with me. 

    There is a theme of undermining herself and showing herself as the crazy and insane one here. She keep talking about how he is the spark, even though this is her talking about how she is falling, there is still insecurities seeping in.

    Lyrics

    There is a lyric “They say that  honest love is a cage that makes you feel free” I really liked it. This song is actually awesome. This is some of the strongest writing on the album.

    The other lyric that stands out to me is “You’re a spark in the dark and my clothes are caught aflame”

    Production

    The beats are pretty pop-rock, but the lyrics are sad. It felt like being so overwhelmed with your own emotions, you don’t even know what to do.

    Standout Moment

    The entire song is a standout actually. 

    Only 2 songs in, and I already found my top 5?

    Replay Value

    Going straight to my playlist. It’s an amazing song. The lyricism is just too good on this one.

    If you’re only listening to one song from this album, make it this one. 

    Rating

    ⭐10 /10

    Track 3: [honeybee]

    First Listen

    A love song, this is a love song. It’s cute. I like this too. She is good with her pen I have to say.

    Okay, this is adorable, it is such a cute song, I am tearing up a little. 🥹

    Again, the anxiety she has about the relationship is showing itself the more the song goes on. It is a love song, but she seems like she is scared to lose this.

    Lyrics

    A love song, there is this one lyric I actually really like “And I hope I never see
    What your face looks like going.” This was the line that stayed with me.  

    I actually had an amazing story idea because of the song.

    Production

    The production complements the lyrics beautifully. I am actually big on great instruments and this is fantastic.

    Standout Moment

    Oh enchanting instruments in this one. My god, it’s so pretty.

    Replay Value

    Another top 5 Olivia!!! 

    This one completely won me over, going straight to my playlist.

    This is worth checking out.  

    Rating

    ⭐ 9.5/10

    Track 4: [Maggots for Brain]

    First Listen

    Ohhhhhh I wasn’t expecting to enjoy this as much as I did. The start with drums, very 80s inspired. 

    I just learned it is inspired by Sex and The City’s Miranda Hobbes. But the song is about codependence in a relationship. This is good too. Okay, some lyrics are relatable to me. But I don’t have a baby, so I feel like this everyday.🙂

    The continuation of the same “I am the one that is off hinge”. The codependence in relationships can get really bad. This might be clingy to others, or even to him. But she is not afraid to tell him that.

    Lyrics

    “My day was so mundane
    I don’t think I left the house
    Tried to write, nothing came out” Is so me. 😂

    Production

    I am absolutely in awe of the instrumentation of these songs. The start from drums and ending with guitar is perfect. There’s also piano, bass and saxophone with background vocals.

    Standout Moment

    It’s another good song, altho I liked the others better, but some of the lyrics were relatable. I liked this better than Drop dead.

    Replay Value

    Yes, I’ll play it again but when I am bored of those songs.

    Rating

    ⭐ 8/10

    Track 5: [U + Me = <3]

    First Listen

    Hmm at first listen, I can tell this song is more about hope in a relationship, while being aware how unpredictable love can be.

    I am kind of mixed now. It’s not bad, it is leaking towards good, but I don’t know if it doesn’t hit the same as others. 

    To me it seems like she is assuring herself with this one by saying they are forever, because there is an underlining of a relationship slipping away. She is trying to cling on the hope of making the relationship work with her partner.

    Lyrics

    Hope, that’s what the song is about, there is not much to it for me. I can’t relate honestly. 

    Production

    The instruments are very 80s inspired pop, it’s nice. It feels nostalgic and romantic. The instrumentation elevates the song. 

    Standout Moment

    There aren’t really many standout parts for me. It is a cure song. I like the guitar tho.

    Replay Value

    I would not play it, I might skip it. Maybe it’s a grower, but the initial response, not a fav. 

    Rating

    ⭐ 7.5/10

    Track 6: [My way]

    First Listen

    Is this her “Better than revenge”? 

    Well it is better than that. She is calling someone out for crossing her boundaries with her boyfriend.

    I love when women take a stand for themselves and create boundaries, absolutely love that. 

    About the song, it’s again giving me mixed feelings, I am somewhere in the middle with this one.

    I don’t have much thoughts about this song in particular, it’s pretty to the point. 

    Lyrics

    The lyrics are kind of calling someone out, this also doesn’t have any specific lyrics that stand out to me here.

    Production

    The production is good with guitar and drums. The arrangement creates the perfect atmosphere. 

    Standout Moment

    Nothing much stood out here/

    Replay Value

    Willingly won’t play the song, but I will not shut it either.

    Rating

    ⭐7.5 /10

    Track 7: [Purple]

    First Listen

    Oh I love interpreting music as I go, and it seems this one is more like her realising the relationship is going south.

    This is good, it’s not a bad song, the lyrics and music complement each other too, but again for me there is something missing, I can’t pin the point where, but there is something missing for me.

    She is using the colour purple as a metaphor here because she is becoming too tangled with her partner. Which is again clever, but as much as I love this metaphor I still don’t like that song that much. The depth is there, I give her that. The pen game is super.

    Lyrics

    I liked the lyric “You kiss my neck
    Made out paths intersect”

    “And i melt in your blue, your red and my blue
    Now I see the world in purple”. Beautiful.

    Production

    There is a lot of use of guitars and drums in this album… Sonically, this is one of the stronger tracks (for me.) 

    Standout Moment

    The song is pretty actually, Ofcourse what stands out for me the most are the lyrics (writer’s brain), followed by guitar and drums. The imagery is beautiful. 

    “Melt with you till it all turns black
    When you smooth it out, but it feels too flat”.

    Replay Value

    Yes, I would replay it, the lyrics were good, and I liked the song.

    Rating

    ⭐ 8.5/10

    Track 8: [The Cure]

    First Listen

    Another masterpiece on the album. This is the song that made me do this whole review and listen to the album.

    The song is about self doubt, emotional struggles and how relationships cannot fix what we have inside us. 

    This clicked instantly. 

    One thing I don’t like about it is, she keeps comparing herself to others, her partner, other girls and more.

    The cure she is looking for is not there, it never was the cure is in us. And I could relate. I was like this once too, I thought “maybe there is something wrong with me”. 

    I have come out from a chapter similar to this, probably why I got instantly hitched.

    Lyrics

    The whole song is actually really good, kinda relatable too. 

    My favourite lyrics are the chores actually “My head is full of poison
    And my heart is full of doubt
    I got toxins in my bloodstream.”

    “I’m unraveled”

    Okay, I find this lyric funny in a good way. “Feeling so alone, might as well be on the moon.”

    Production

    The production is good. I love the acoustic guitar in the back a lot, and Strings. The production gives the song a nostalgic feel. 

    Standout Moment

    The song is mesmerising and I can relate to this one off. Another one of the top 5.

    The standout are the lyrics of course for me. As a writer, I am always drawn to the lyrics of the songs. So, I love when artists are great writers too.

    Replay Value

    Yes, replaying it. Instant save… oh wait it already is. 

    Give this one a chance. 

    Rating

    ⭐ 10/10

    Track 9: [Begged]

    First Listen

    This one is her begging for affection from her partner. I don’t like when people beg others, but then again she is young and definitely not like me. 

    The song is pretty fabulous actually, I was not expecting to like someone begging their partner this much, but I did. And I related to some of this too.

    The way she described herself as an anchor, because it’s heavy and stays there until lifted out. And then she called herself a penny. In a way saying she cannot be away from him or she would sink.

    I like interpretation of arts differently, maybe she mentioned something else, but that’s what I think.

    Lyrics

    “And my endless well of needs
    I’m an anchor in the ocean
    You know I could never leave” Chef’s kiss 🤌🏻

    Production

    The production on the album is immaculate. It sounds more like a sad song, like a realisation and the song portrays it so well.

    Standout Moment

    It’s very melancholy, the song is another great one on the album. It’s a ballad and I absolutely adore Olivia for this. 

    The lyric that standout the most for me is “I’m a penny in a fountain
    Just waiting on my luck to change.”

    Replay Value

    Yes, it has replay value, I will be playing it again. This one’s staying in my rotation. 

    Definitely recommend this one.

    Rating

    ⭐ 9.5/10

    Track 10: [What’s wrong with me]

    First Listen

    This is a collaboration with English musician Robert Smith of The Cure, I haven’t heard much about The cure to be honest.

    Again a miss for me, this is not my taste. The song is good, but not for me. I don’t think it will grow on me either.

    I didn’t like it much

    Lyrics

    It’s good, I am not that much a fan of this as much as I would have loved to be. 

    Production

    Same guitar, bass, piano, Old-School Synths, but it all goes great with the album.

    Standout Moment

    The lyric “Went to the doctor and she said I was fine
    But every movie that I see makes me cry” is what stood out the best for me.

    I also like the guitar in the middle.

    Replay Value

    Won’t mind playing it again.

    Rating

    ⭐ 5/10

    Track 11: [Less]

    First Listen

    Less talks about trying hard to save a relationship.

    It is a ballad song. I love ballad songs. The way she explains her body physically suffering in this album with every song is really fantastic. 

    It’s like her body is physically telling her she needs to let go.

    Not being okay, body and head protesting, stomach in knots, going insane, there are so many references of her relationship to her body physically and mentally going through it.

    Lyrics

    This is easily one of the highlights of the album, what else can I say. These songs are pretty good.

    The writing feels raw and honest. She is suffering and the way she expresses it in her words on a song is otherworldly to me right now.

    Production

    The most beautiful track on the album sonically for me.

    Standout Moment

    The standout for me is the lyric “If loving me means letting go
    And wishing me the best
    I wish….. You loved me less”

    Replay Value

    Yes, I would come back to this every time. It’s a great song. I love the piano.

    If you love ballads, listen to this one.

    Rating

    ⭐ 10/10

    Track 12: [Expectations]

    First Listen

    This is her comeback to herself. Talks about her developing herself and setting standards. 

    Love that for her.

    The song is pretty simple, straight to the points. I like this one, it is not the best on the album, but is up there with top 8.

    She is taking her power back with this one, after being in a toxic relationship.

    Lyrics

    Every line feels intentional, she no longer cares about men, and will prioritize herself over men. 

    Production

    This is a very fast-paced 80s inspired song. This goes well with the lyrics, I have realised she is really inspired by Pop-rock a lot in her songs.

    Standout Moment

    Definitely the lyrics “won’t settle for a guy with a fake job
    They seem so desperate for lovin’, but, baby, I’m not.”

    Replay Value

    Sure, I won’t mind replaying it. But it’s not really for me.

    Rating

    ⭐ 8/10

    Track 13: [Cigarette Smoke]

    First Listen

    She is trying to get over her ex… But he still lingers

    I just read about the song and I found out ; “On “cigarette smoke,” Olivia uses the smell of cigarette smoke—which notoriously lingers and is difficult to get rid of—as a metaphor for how hard it is to get over her ex.”

    Which is quite a clever metaphor.

    I don’t know what else to say, if there is a word bigger than love, I would use it to describe the song. It caught me off guard, because this was not my expectations, but this has gone beyond that.

    Lyrics

    The metaphors are incredibly clever. A comparison between her ex and cigarette smoke. She is talking about regretting staying so long. She talks about her resentment, a good ending to the album.

    Production

    I absolutely love the production on this album, this has to be one of my fav albums of the year actually.

    Standout Moment

    So many thing, but Lyrics. Specially lyrics.

    “Some nights can be
    So fucking lonely
    But it’s better than begging for you to stand up for me, honeybee”

    Replay Value

    Another one for the top 5, my playlist is long, but I keep adding. 

    Even if the album isn’t your thing, I’d still recommend this track. 

    This has to be a perfect end to the album.

    Rating

    ⭐ 10/10

    (Bonus Track) Track 14: [Never do (demo)]

    First Listen

    This is a bonus acoustic track, it’s not in the album. So I am not sure how I feel about rating it. 

    Again, it’s an acoustic song, I am not even sure if I heard the correct song, because again, it’s not on Spotify. 

    Lyrics

    This is a perfect other ending of the album. The lyrics are pretty simple; it talks about empty promises in a relationship. I liked this.

    Production

    It’s an acoustic demo.

    Standout Moment

    The songwriting really shines here. 

    “Alone, I feel alone
    Fresh out of things I can numb myself with on my phone
    In love, you’re so in love
    Is that why you went to parties and left me at home for a month?”

    Replay Value

    I would play it, but the song is not available on streaming sites yet… I think. I heard it on youtube.

    If it is available, I’ll play and recommend.

    Rating

    ⭐9.5 /10

    Final Thoughts

    Best Track: Less or Stupid love (I can’t decide) 💕

    Most Underrated: Honeybee (I would say it is a grower, and quite cute)🥰

    Strongest Lyrics: Cigarette smoke

    Best Production: I think the entire album production is really good and it is really cohesive. 

    Biggest Surprise: Less

    Favorite Three Tracks: Less, The cure, Cigarette smoke 

    Skip (if any): Right now, maybe “what’s wrong with me?” 🙃

    Overall Rating: ⭐8.7/10

    Would I Recommend It?: Yes!!🎧

    Who would enjoy this album?: My best friend (I am gonna go ask if she have heard this yet) 

    Would I Listen to This Album Again From Start to Finish?: Yes, I would do it.

    Let me know what do you think about the album below 👇🏻💕

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  • Hyper-Independence: When Strength Becomes a Survival Mechanism

    Understanding why some people find it easier to carry every burden alone than to ask for support.

    I am a hyper-independent woman myself. All my life I thought I really didn’t need anyone else.
    Don’t need to ask for help, in fact offering others my help without even looking for anything in return.
    I always thought it’s badass that I am so independent and don’t need others at all, and I can do things by myself.
    But turns out, it’s a trauma!! 🎉
    You are telling me that I am traumatised to the point I don’t ask for anything from people?
    Well that kinda checks out…
    I was recently thinking about a chat I had with my best friends, where I in a way very proudly said, “I don’t really ask people for anything at all, I cannot ask people for help. I don’t think I need it much. I can’t even ask my own mother for money, even if I need it.” My friends had a really valid concern on their faces.
    At that time, I didn’t think it was such a huge deal, and then I came across a psychologist on Instagram, who was talking about how hyper-independence in people is a trauma response.
    And I decided to dig deep…
    I did a lot of research and all I found out was that I have issues. A lot of issues that need to be addressed someday.
    So, I am gonna do it one at a time. 😀

    What is hyper-independence?
    It’s definitely not a personality trait. It’s not good either.
    According to Google: “It is an extreme, unwavering insistence on self-reliance where a person is unable or unwilling to depend on others, even in times of dire need. Far from just being highly capable, it is a psychological defense mechanism where doing everything alone feels like the only way to stay safe.”

    And that made me question:

    Why do people develop Hyper-independence?
    Why does one’s brain choose this path as a survival instinct?
    Here are some major reasons, with enough depth to build a blog or research from.
    1. Childhood Emotional Neglect
    One of the most common causes.
    A child doesn’t necessarily need to be physically neglected. Emotional neglect happens when their feelings, fears, or needs are consistently ignored, dismissed, or minimized.
    Examples:
    “Stop crying.”
    “You’re too sensitive.”
    “Deal with it yourself.”
    Over time, the child learns that no one is coming to help me. I have to handle everything on my own. As an adult, asking for help can feel uncomfortable or even shameful.

    1. Parentification (Growing Up Too Fast)
    Some children become caregivers long before they’re emotionally ready.
    They may:
    Take care of younger siblings.
    Mediate fights between parents.
    Become their mother’s emotional support.
    Manage household responsibilities.
    Worry about finances.
    Instead of being cared for, they become the caretaker. As adults, they often feel responsible for everyone else’s well-being while neglecting their own.

    1. Growing Up in an Unpredictable or Unsafe Environment
    If home life was chaotic because of conflict, addiction, abuse, frequent criticism, or instability, children often learn that depending on others is risky.
    Hyper-independence becomes a way to create control.
    The mindset becomes:
    “If I rely on no one, no one can disappoint or hurt me.”

    1. Repeated Betrayal or Broken Trust
    Sometimes hyper-independence develops later in life.
    Experiences such as:
    Being cheated on.
    Friends abandoning them.
    Family members breaking promises.
    Being repeatedly let down.
    can create the belief that trusting people only leads to pain. Instead of risking disappointment again, they decide to rely only on themselves.

    1. Being Rewarded for Being “The Strong One”
    Many children receive praise not for expressing emotions but for suppressing them.
    People say:
    “You’re so mature.”
    “You’re the responsible one.”
    “You’re the strong child.”
    While these sound like compliments, they can teach someone that their value comes from being capable rather than being cared for.
    Eventually, vulnerability feels like failure.

    1. Cultural and Gender Expectations
    Many societies encourage girls to be self-sacrificing, emotionally responsible, and resilient. At the same time, asking for help may be interpreted as:
    Weakness.
    Failure.
    Being a burden.
    In other contexts, boys may be taught that expressing vulnerability is unmanly. Although the expectations differ, both can contribute to hyper-independence.
    The result is people who struggle to receive support, even when they desperately need it.

    1. Fear of Being a Burden
    Some people grow up believing their needs inconvenience others.
    They may have heard:
    “Don’t trouble people.”
    “Handle it yourself.”
    “Everyone has their own problems.”
    As adults, they apologize for needing help and often stay silent even when they’re overwhelmed.

    1. Perfectionism
    Hyper-independence often goes hand in hand with perfectionism.
    People may think:
    “No one can do it as well as I can.”
    “If I want it done right, I’ll do it myself.”
    While this can lead to high achievement, it also creates chronic stress, exhaustion, and difficulty delegating.

    1. Fear of Rejection or Vulnerability
    Accepting help requires trust. For someone who fears rejection, asking for help can feel like exposing themselves to possible criticism or abandonment. It’s emotionally safer to struggle alone than risk hearing:
    “No.”

    1. Trauma
    Whether from childhood or adulthood, traumatic experiences can change how someone views the world. Hyper-independence can become a survival strategy because it creates an illusion of safety.
    The belief becomes:
    “If I control everything myself, I won’t be hurt again.”

    1. Low Self-Worth
    Some people don’t believe they deserve care.
    They may think:
    “Other people deserve help more than I do.”
    “I should be able to handle this.”
    “My problems aren’t important.”
    They freely support others but deny themselves the same compassion.

    1. Confusing Independence with Self-Worth
    Many people grow up equating independence with success. Being independent is healthy. Believing you must never need anyone is not.
    Healthy independence says:
    I can take care of myself, and I can ask for help when I need it.
    Hyper-independence says:
    If I need help, I’ve failed.

    Hyper-Independence might look like freedom, but it slowly becomes a cage built for protection.

    How Do People Develop Hyper-Independence?
    1. They Learn That Their Needs Won’t Be Met
    Hyper-independence often begins when someone repeatedly reaches out for comfort, support, or reassurance and doesn’t receive it.
    Instead of learning that it’s safe to depend on others, they begin to expect disappointment. Over time, they stop expressing their needs altogether, convincing themselves that relying on others only leads to frustration or hurt.
    The belief becomes:
    “If no one is going to help me, I need to learn to do everything myself.”

    1. They Start Solving Problems Alone
    Once people stop expecting support, they begin handling every challenge independently. Whether it’s emotional pain, financial struggles, schoolwork, or family responsibilities, they teach themselves to cope without asking for assistance.
    At first, this feels empowering. Over time, it becomes their default way of functioning. Eventually, asking for help feels unfamiliar, uncomfortable, or even impossible.

    1. Self-Reliance Gets Reinforced
    Every time they successfully manage a difficult situation alone, their brain receives confirmation that independence is the safest option.
    They begin associating self-reliance with survival. The more they cope alone, the harder it becomes to imagine depending on anyone else.

    1. They Build Emotional Walls
    As disappointment accumulates, people often protect themselves by becoming emotionally guarded. They stop sharing vulnerable thoughts, avoid discussing their struggles, and become uncomfortable with emotional dependence.
    This isn’t because they don’t want connection. It’s because emotional distance feels safer than risking rejection or disappointment.

    1. Independence Becomes Part of Their Identity
    Eventually, hyper-independence stops being a coping strategy and becomes part of how they see themselves.
    They begin describing themselves as:
    “I’m just very independent.”
    “I don’t need anyone.”
    “I’ve always handled things on my own.”
    What started as a survival response gradually becomes a core part of their identity.

    1. They Mistake Isolation for Strength
    Because they have survived by relying on themselves, they may begin to believe that needing others is a sign of weakness.
    They pride themselves on carrying everything alone, even when it comes at the cost of their mental health, relationships, or well-being.
    Strength becomes measured by how much they can endure in silence.

    1. They Feel Guilty When Others Help Them
    Over time, receiving support can feel more uncomfortable than giving it.
    They may:
    Minimize their own struggles.
    Decline offers of help.
    Feel indebted when someone does something for them.
    Rush to “repay” kindness immediately.
    Instead of experiencing support as comforting, they experience it as something they have to earn or compensate for.

    1. The Cycle Becomes Self-Perpetuating
    Because they rarely ask for help, people assume they don’t need it.
    As a result, others stop offering support, which reinforces their belief that they can only rely on themselves.
    Without realizing it, they create a cycle where their independence keeps confirming the very belief that caused it in the first place.

    How does one heal from it?
    1. Redefine What Strength Means
    Many hyper-independent people equate strength with handling everything alone. Healing begins by challenging that definition.
    True strength isn’t measured by how much you can carry by yourself. It’s measured by your ability to recognize when you need support, adapt to challenges, and build healthy interdependence.
    Instead of asking,
    “Can I do this alone?”
    Ask,
    “Do I have to?”

    1. Learn to Receive Without Feeling Guilty
    Giving often feels natural. Receiving can feel uncomfortable. Practice accepting small acts of kindness without immediately trying to repay them.
    For example:
    Let someone buy you coffee.
    Accept a compliment with a simple “Thank you.”
    Let a friend help you move or run an errand.
    Receiving support isn’t taking advantage of people. It’s allowing relationships to be mutual rather than one-sided.

    1. Build Trust Gradually
    Healing doesn’t require trusting everyone overnight.
    Start by identifying people who have consistently shown reliability, honesty, and respect.
    Share something small before sharing something deeply personal.
    Trust is built through repeated positive experiences, not blind faith.

    1. Practice Asking for Small Favors
    If asking for help feels overwhelming, start with low-stakes requests.
    Examples:
    Ask someone for advice.
    Request feedback on your work.
    Let a colleague explain something instead of figuring it out alone.
    Each positive experience teaches your nervous system that asking for help doesn’t always lead to rejection or disappointment.

    1. Separate Independence From Isolation
    Being independent doesn’t mean refusing connection.
    Healthy independence allows you to:
    Make your own decisions.
    Support yourself financially or emotionally.
    Maintain your identity.

    Healthy connection allows you to:
    Lean on others during difficult times.
    Share responsibilities.
    Experience mutual care.

    The goal isn’t dependence. It’s balance.

    1. Become Aware of Your Automatic Responses
    Hyper-independence often operates on autopilot. Notice the moments when you instantly think:
    “I’ll just do it myself.”
    “It’s easier if I don’t ask.”
    “I don’t want to bother anyone.”
    Pause before acting.
    Ask yourself:
    “Am I choosing this because it’s genuinely the best option, or because it’s my default response?”
    Awareness creates room for different choices.

    1. Allow Yourself to Be Seen
    Many hyper-independent people let others see their achievements but hide their struggles.
    Healing involves letting trusted people witness not only your successes but also your fears, uncertainties, and moments of vulnerability. Connection deepens when people know the real you, not just the capable version of you.

    1. Stop Treating Rest as Something You Have to Earn
    People who are used to carrying everything often believe they deserve rest only after they’ve finished every task.
    But there will always be another task.
    Recovery isn’t a reward for productivity. It’s a basic human need that protects your physical and emotional well-being.

    1. Accept That Interdependence Is Healthy
    Psychologists often distinguish between dependence, independence, and interdependence.
    Dependence means relying entirely on others.
    Hyper-independence means relying only on yourself.
    Interdependence is the healthy middle ground, where people remain capable while also giving and receiving support.
    Most healthy relationships thrive in this middle ground.

    1. Be Patient With Yourself
    Hyper-independence often develops over many years. It won’t disappear after a few vulnerable conversations. There may be moments when asking for help still feels uncomfortable or exposing.
    That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
    Healing is less about becoming a different person and more about expanding your comfort zone, one small step at a time.

    🍁Conclusion.
    It is not a disease that needs to be cured, nor is it a problem that needs fixing.
    Hyper-independence may look like confidence from the outside, but for many people, it is a survival strategy born from experiences that taught them they could only rely on themselves. While being independent is a valuable quality, believing you must carry every burden alone can leave you emotionally exhausted and disconnected from the very support that helps us thrive. Healing doesn’t mean giving up your independence or becoming dependent on others. It means learning that strength and vulnerability can coexist. It’s about allowing yourself to trust, accept help, set healthy boundaries, and recognize that your worth has never been measured by how much you can endure in silence. You deserve relationships where care is mutual, support is freely given, and you don’t have to prove your strength by facing every challenge alone.

    I know now why I am like this and honestly, I am working on it. I hope you have found the reason too!!

    Let me know your thoughts below! 👇🏻💕

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  • Announcement!!

    The new chapter of my new story is out now!!!

    You can find it on Wattpad!!

    https://www.wattpad.com/story/409011000?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading_part_end&wp_uname=LadyinkS2
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