Ladyink with love

Tag: Self help

  • The Girl I Never Left

    Sometimes the child you were, doesn’t need saving. She just needs to know you never left.

    I dream a lot, I have some weird dreams almost every other day. Just yesterday my friend was telling me about a dream she had, and we were just telling each other about dreams making no sense. And then I remembered my own dream, that inspired me to write this.

    One day I had a dream that I was in my previous rented house, it was empty. I went inside and I started exploring, although in real life the house was not big, but in my dream it was big enough for me to explore. And then I saw a little girl, she was so cute. We spent a lot of time and played together. Then all of a sudden I heard a sound and started following it. When I came back and opened the door of the house the little girl came running to me and started crying and saying “Why did you leave? Why did you leave me alone? I was so scared. No one was there for me.”

    ……. And then, I woke up.

    Once I woke up I realised that I was actually crying in my sleep and the little girl I saw was actually me when I was a small girl. 

    I have felt a lot of things after that, and it was also Covid time. I wrote that dream down to remember it. And then Taylor Swift also released “Forklore”, and there was a song in it called “Seven” and it had a line :

    And I’ve been meaning to tell you
    I think your house is haunted
    Your dad is always mad and that must be why
    And I think you should come live with
    Me and we can be pirates
    Then you won’t have to cry
    Or hide in the closet
    And just like a folk song
    Our love will be passed on 

    This hit me a little hard, because every time I hear it, it’s like I am talking to my younger self. 

    And every time I think about her, all I can think of is, if I had someone older like me around when I was young, I would have felt so protected and safe. Which I really didn’t as a child.

    She would be so proud of me today. She would love to see the kind of person I became. 

    She would smile watching me be stupid yet responsible, silly yet composed when needed. 

    She would find me so cool, me standing up for myself. Believing in me more than others. Maybe also, my collection of BTS albums and my travelling tales.

    I think she would be so surprised to see me work in a corporate company. I didn’t really have a dream job when I was a child.

    She would want to know if I am still friends with the same people we were in school (Good for her we have better company and best friends I would never trade for anything ever.)

    She would see me and hug me for becoming the kind of person we always wanted to be, and getting everything I ever wanted (Except for a million dollar I still wish to receive magically someday.)

    The person I’ve become

    When I talk about the person I have become or the kind of kid I was, it is quite difficult. I can’t say I was an easy child. My mother had a hard time with me, I was the oldest, yet I always felt overlooked, and that made me act out. 

    Now that I have become an adult myself, I think about how as a woman, enduring abuse, becoming a sole provider, and having kids who act out is not easy. It is terrifying, and my mother is an innocent woman. Sometimes I am glad that I am not like her. Things were hard, and having 3 children to look after made it harder.

    So, in a way there are parts of my younger self that I have left behind, but the part of me that questions everything is still the same. I still refuse to listen to people and question everything and that has still been bothering my mother. 

    My younger self would definitely appreciate that we throw out that one toxic person from our life that was taking us down with him. And we grew from it.

    This was also one of things my younger self would not have been able to imagine could happen. 

    Me being able to achieve my freedom, being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want and however I want. Without explaining myself to anyone, are among other things she probably never thought would happen. 

    I always thought things would be okay, I am not sure if I even had any fears other than heights.

    I have only ever been confident enough in myself. But I do think the one thing that made me nervous was studies and now I hold a Master’s degree. 

    My young self was fearless as hell, and that has only grown over the years. I am still the same stubborn and fearless Girl I was at 10 that I am at 29. 

    Dreams

    I never really had dreams, I only ever thought of growing up and earning a lot of money. But the one dream that really came true was that my sister and I bought a house for our family.

    There were so many dream jobs I had as a child, I was never clear on what I really wanted to be when I grew up. That is something that changed was, once in my life I wanted to be a lawyer, which didn’t happen thankfully. I was actually glad that didn’t happen. I would have had a horrible life.

    I just know she’d see those changes as me growing up because it all happened for good. Because I was able to do what I actually love, writing. 

    And writing matters to me now that she couldn’t yet understand, because I love it. I did it as a child too, but never really took it as seriously as I do now.

    I know if I explain my current goals to her, would she eventually nod and say, “That makes sense.” Because it does, we both love it. She as a hobby, me as my passion.

    Values

    We as people all have a lot of values, and I do too, even as a child. One of those values was loyalty. 

    My Loyalty is something that is still intact in me since my childhood. She was a very loyal person and so am I.

    That has made me a safe person to people, because I always stand for people and myself. I call our people when I think it deserves to be called out. So, I know I would be a safe person and make her feel safe. I am a feisty fighter. I always protect my own.

    So that if people have issues and they want to talk to someone they know they have me. And that is something she would feel as well, and look at me as an adult to run to when she is scared.  

    Other than Loyalty, there are other things that I also kept with me.

    Like my curiosity is something I have kept the same. I was always a curious child, questioning everything and everyone. That has irritated people 🙃 but I still wanted to know. 

    I am the same way now. 🙂‍↔️

    I still want to know everything and anything.

    I am not sure if that is something like a promise I have kept, but I think the biggest promise I kept without realising is to be true to myself. 

    I can never be two-faced with anyone. If I don’t like something or someone I do not pretend to be nice. I can never fake myself for something or someone. 

    Healing

    My whole childhood was anything but normal, I grew up in an abusive household, and that is something not just me, but my whole family had to heal from.

    Because of which I have a lot of trust issues in relationships. I do try to give people the benefit of doubt and let people in. Even though it takes a lot of time and effort, it protects me from a lot of pain. 

    All of my experiences in life have made me realise that there is nothing in my previous life that would comfort her. I have had it pretty weird. But I do think my life now, my mindset today is something that will comfort her a lot.

    And that is something I think she will thank me for, being able to grow from the hurt.

    And yet, there are so many parts of her I have made rooms for, like the innocence. The silly parts, the talkative and the curious parts.

    Everyday life

    Although I don’t really have a big room, I think she wouldn’t mind, but I am not sure if that is something she would love.

    I imagine a little me coming in the rooms asking if it is our home, and me saying yes.

    And then looking at the books I own. The amount and kind of books I have read, that is something I think would excite her a lot. 

    Then looking at all my clothes. I wear almost everything and anything. I know that is something she would find shocking. Especially now, because when I was a child I had to dress like a boy. My parents would dress me more like a boy, I even had pictures of myself in it, and it looked like my brother. I hated it. 

    I remember having 2 skirts as a child, one was a denim skirt with green top and the other was a blue slightly thick cloth with a white top. I would wear those 2 skirts all the time, everywhere I went until I grew out of it, because that was the only clothes I had that would make me feel like a girl. I never felt like myself in those clothes, I wanted to feel like a girl, but my parents’ weird ways of dressing made me feel like a boy too. 

    My sister was somehow allowed to wear girls clothes like frocks and skirts because apparently “She looked good in it.” I actually have a lot of resentment because of this. 

    One of the reasons why, now my clothes are more girly and cool. I have a good sense of style for myself. I always wear makeup and dress and style myself like a woman, and I refuse to wear anything that can look remotely closer to a man (You could say this is one thing I never healed from? I don’t know if it needs healing). I don’t hate pants or anything, but even if I wear clothes like pants and shirts, I style it more feminine. 

    That is not something I think that is concerning….. However, she might be concerned about my humor, because let’s be honest, my dark self deprecating humor is quite troubling. 

    It is one of my hobbies tho, making jokes about myself (But let’s not get it twisted, I only joke about myself with everyone except my family. Because they keep making fun of me for everything)….. 😂

    That being said, she would love my hobbies. Exercising, writing and listening to music. 

    Yep Absolute heaven. 

    Keeping my mouth aside, I have quite intellectual hobbies. That keeps me sane.

    Oh and let’s not forget BTS. 😜

    Character

    After everything, when I talk about the kind of character I have…. It doesn’t really soothe anything at all. I am not a bad person, but I am not the nicest one in the room either. 

    The only reason I am not in jail is because I haven’t committed a crime, but the way I talk sometimes I might as well be locked up. 😂

    Well unfortunately for her, I for one have not become kinder at all. I am the same sharp-mouth girl I was, but I have developed a filter now. 

    I have become more empathetic and compassionate when needed, but kinder…. I would doubt that.

    One thing that I can be really certain about is, I have become stronger, I am a lot more stronger and smarter than I was as a child.

    That in no way means I care more about people. Let’s be honest, I am definitely not a people’s person. I hate people, but I do care about my people, my friends and my family.

    You know the irony of it all, I have to talk to people in my job all day every day. And I hate it.   

    Anyways, I still stand up for myself and have stronger boundaries. I don’t let people walk all over me, and I refuse to be pressured into doing something I don’t want to.

    The hard questions

    I am a simple person, I stay out of trouble and try to keep a clean, simple, drama free life, so I don’t think there is anything in my life that will disappoint her (because let’s be honest, you need to do something reckless to make a disappointing decision).

    When I think about my childhood, the only joy I miss is how careless everything was, all I had to do was study and get good grades. That’s that kind of luxury I don’t have anymore.

    I don’t even remember when I became so busy and lost my childhood. Maybe when I turned 13, I don’t remember being a child since then, I got my periods, things changed for me. 

    It’s not that I regret anything, but I think we all think about how life was easier when we were kids. 

    Honestly, the last couple of years I have tried my hardest to heal myself. I was able to do that for myself, which made me connect with my younger self more. Every part of her that I wanted to connect with is already with me, it’s like I never let her go.

    If there is a part of advice I needed to give to her it would be : 

    You will have a lot of falls, you will lose most of your childhood friends, you will lose your father. You will have rejections, you will have to mourn the deaths of people. You will have a lot of lows. But it is necessary for all the ups and self love you will experience. You will have true friendships. You will not find love (at least not at 29… maybe later) but you will have you, and that will be your biggest strength.

    Conclusion

    At the end, all I can think of is her being proud of me. She would look at me and think, I am so cool and pretty. She would definitely want to be me when we grow up.

    Now that I think about the dream I had during Covid, and I think of my younger self asking me why I left, all I want to say is that I never left. She was with me the whole time. I never let her go, I grew up, yes. But I kept her alive with me. 

    People might not see her, but I do. I know there will be someday I might trust people enough to see her, see that side of me. But for now, baby girl it’s just you and me.

    Let me know your thoughts below 👇🏻💕

    , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

  • The Loneliest Part of Healing Is That No One Claps for It

    The most important milestones in our lives are often the ones no one else sees.

    We celebrate promotions.
    We celebrate weddings.
    We celebrate graduations.
    But nobody congratulates you for finally sleeping through the night without thinking about someone who broke your heart.

    I myself have been through things in my life and it took me 5years to heal myself and get out of that head space. There is so much trauma we all go through, some get it together easily and for some it takes time.

    But one thing I have learned is, no one can heal you, you have to heal yourself. You have to take that step yourself.

    What healing actually looks like?

    Talk about how healing isn’t dramatic. Healing isn’t a straight line and doesn’t mean forgetting the past. Instead, it looks like pausing before reacting, setting boundaries instead of people-pleasing, and bouncing back faster from bad days. It’s about integrating your experiences so they don’t dominate your present.
    True recovery manifests in a few subtle but profound ways:
    A quieter nervous system: You feel physically safer, experiencing fewer stress-related headaches or muscle tension.Mindful responses: Instead of instantly spiraling or snapping, you can take a breath and name your emotions (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed”).
    Reclaiming your energy: The past no longer monopolizes your mental space. You can engage with past triggers without being hijacked by them.
    Practicing self-compassion: You allow yourself to feel grief, make mistakes, and say “no” without judging yourself.

    Is Healing ment to be seen?
    Healing is absolutely meant to be seen, both by you and by the world around you. This realization is often a major turning point because it shifts your perspective from hiding your pain to honoring your growth.
    When healing becomes visible, it shows up in clear, tangible changes:
    In Your Body and Presence
    • Open posture: Unclenching your jaw, dropping your shoulders, and making steady eye contact.
    • Calmer voice: Speaking with a grounded, unhurried pace because you feel safe being heard.
    • Brighter energy: Carrying less physical heaviness, which naturally makes you look lighter and more present.
    In Your Daily Choices
    • Visible boundaries: Saying a clear “no” out loud without over-explaining or apologizing.
    • Active self-care: Leaving a stressful environment or choosing to rest without hiding it as a secret guilt.
    • Openly seeking joy: Actively participating in hobbies, laughing freely, and accepting compliments.
    In Your Connections
    • Authentic sharing: Speaking about your past struggles in the past tense, without shame or emotional spirals.
    • Healthy vulnerability: Letting safe people see your imperfections instead of masking them behind a perfect facade.
    • Deepening relationships: Attracting people who respect your growth and phase out those who only liked your old, people-pleasing habits.

    Conclusion
    We often think healing ends with a grand moment. A dramatic realization. A version of ourselves that no longer hurts.

    But healing rarely announces its arrival.

    It quietly slips into the ordinary moments. The day you stop replaying the conversation in your head. The moment you choose peace instead of proving a point. The first time you laugh without guilt. The day you realize you no longer recognize the person who once carried so much pain.

    Maybe no one will ever know how many nights you spent putting yourself back together. They won’t see the boundaries you fought to build, the habits you had to unlearn, or the courage it took to choose yourself over what was familiar.

    And that’s okay.

    Because healing was never a performance. It was never about convincing the world that you’re doing better. It was about creating a life where you no longer have to survive every single day.

    No one may clap for your healing.

    But one day, you’ll wake up and realize you don’t need them to.

    The peace you’ve built for yourself will always be louder than the applause you never received.

    Let me know your thoughts below 👇🏻💕

    , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

  • I Didn’t Expect to Love This Album…

    A track-by-track review of Olivia Rodrigo’s You seem pretty sad for a girl so in love from someone who wasn’t expecting to become a fan.

    Album Overview

    • Artist: Olivia Rodrigo
    • Album: You seem pretty sad for a girl so in love
    • Release Date: 13 June 2026
    • Genre: pop album
    • Number of Tracks: 13
    • Length: 54:45 minutes

    Before I Pressed Play

    The last time I reviewed an album was “Life of a showgirl” and I was really disappointed. Her album has not been a hit as much to me since “Folklore”. To me, that was her last best album. 

    I have been searching for a good album since and I did get “Man’s bestfriend” and “Arirang” but I’ll talk about those albums next time (maybe do a review of those albums after ♾️ times).

    I am not an Olivia fan at all, nor do I hate her. I personally do not get connected to her songs much. I do have a few I like, like deja vu, vampire and happier. But that’s all, she is too young so naturally her previous albums have been about teenage experiences. I have been out of it for a while now. 

    And the album name is too big?? “You seem pretty sad for a girl so in love” that is a huge name for an album. It took me 2 business days to learn it.

    The only reason I decided to hear this album is because I really liked her song “The Cure”. So I decided that I should check it out.

    So here I am 😁

    I actually do not have much expectations because of how music is right now, the songs aren’t really hitting anymore. Also I don’t keep up much with her, so I probably won’t get the references.

    I am gonna read about each song, what their stories are and everything to try and understand this album as much as I can.

    Here I go with my headphones 🎧 on where everyone in my house is sleeping at 4:20 am….😶

    It is in fact, going to be my late night thoughts 💭 

    Track 1: [Drop Dead]

    First Listen

    It was a nice song, I liked it. It’s a good opener, letting the listener into her album.

    It’s quite catchy and growing up in me. I had to listen to it 2-3 times to form an opinion. I really liked how she started alternate rapping in the middle part of the song.

    And she is talking about her being a Pisces and him being a Gemini, water signs and air signs aren’t really that compatible. So using that to show how even though at first it seems like they are not compatible she thinks they could work well.

    Lyrics

    So, the song is about meeting someone for a first date, and the date goes well. More like giddy and lovesick about the person or the date itself.

    She sings about Pisces and Gemini too, which I learned she is a Pisces and her ex is a Gemini.

    The theme is basically the nervousness of meeting them for the first time.

    Production

    It sounds good, for an opener it is a good song. I really like the pacing of the song. It’s a synth pop or pop rock song. Quite upbeat and happy. 

    Standout Moment

    There is this alternative-rap inspired segment in the middle of the song that was unexpected.

    Replay Value

    I am not sure if I would willingly come back to it, but if the song plays I will not skip it.

    Rating

    ⭐ 9/10

    Track 2: [Stupid Song]

    First Listen

    Okay, I am half way through the song… and I absolutely love this. (Will report back once done. 🙂)

    I am back, and I love this one a lot. This is an amazing song. I can already tell this will stay with me. 

    There is a theme of undermining herself and showing herself as the crazy and insane one here. She keep talking about how he is the spark, even though this is her talking about how she is falling, there is still insecurities seeping in.

    Lyrics

    There is a lyric “They say that  honest love is a cage that makes you feel free” I really liked it. This song is actually awesome. This is some of the strongest writing on the album.

    The other lyric that stands out to me is “You’re a spark in the dark and my clothes are caught aflame”

    Production

    The beats are pretty pop-rock, but the lyrics are sad. It felt like being so overwhelmed with your own emotions, you don’t even know what to do.

    Standout Moment

    The entire song is a standout actually. 

    Only 2 songs in, and I already found my top 5?

    Replay Value

    Going straight to my playlist. It’s an amazing song. The lyricism is just too good on this one.

    If you’re only listening to one song from this album, make it this one. 

    Rating

    ⭐10 /10

    Track 3: [honeybee]

    First Listen

    A love song, this is a love song. It’s cute. I like this too. She is good with her pen I have to say.

    Okay, this is adorable, it is such a cute song, I am tearing up a little. 🥹

    Again, the anxiety she has about the relationship is showing itself the more the song goes on. It is a love song, but she seems like she is scared to lose this.

    Lyrics

    A love song, there is this one lyric I actually really like “And I hope I never see
    What your face looks like going.” This was the line that stayed with me.  

    I actually had an amazing story idea because of the song.

    Production

    The production complements the lyrics beautifully. I am actually big on great instruments and this is fantastic.

    Standout Moment

    Oh enchanting instruments in this one. My god, it’s so pretty.

    Replay Value

    Another top 5 Olivia!!! 

    This one completely won me over, going straight to my playlist.

    This is worth checking out.  

    Rating

    ⭐ 9.5/10

    Track 4: [Maggots for Brain]

    First Listen

    Ohhhhhh I wasn’t expecting to enjoy this as much as I did. The start with drums, very 80s inspired. 

    I just learned it is inspired by Sex and The City’s Miranda Hobbes. But the song is about codependence in a relationship. This is good too. Okay, some lyrics are relatable to me. But I don’t have a baby, so I feel like this everyday.🙂

    The continuation of the same “I am the one that is off hinge”. The codependence in relationships can get really bad. This might be clingy to others, or even to him. But she is not afraid to tell him that.

    Lyrics

    “My day was so mundane
    I don’t think I left the house
    Tried to write, nothing came out” Is so me. 😂

    Production

    I am absolutely in awe of the instrumentation of these songs. The start from drums and ending with guitar is perfect. There’s also piano, bass and saxophone with background vocals.

    Standout Moment

    It’s another good song, altho I liked the others better, but some of the lyrics were relatable. I liked this better than Drop dead.

    Replay Value

    Yes, I’ll play it again but when I am bored of those songs.

    Rating

    ⭐ 8/10

    Track 5: [U + Me = <3]

    First Listen

    Hmm at first listen, I can tell this song is more about hope in a relationship, while being aware how unpredictable love can be.

    I am kind of mixed now. It’s not bad, it is leaking towards good, but I don’t know if it doesn’t hit the same as others. 

    To me it seems like she is assuring herself with this one by saying they are forever, because there is an underlining of a relationship slipping away. She is trying to cling on the hope of making the relationship work with her partner.

    Lyrics

    Hope, that’s what the song is about, there is not much to it for me. I can’t relate honestly. 

    Production

    The instruments are very 80s inspired pop, it’s nice. It feels nostalgic and romantic. The instrumentation elevates the song. 

    Standout Moment

    There aren’t really many standout parts for me. It is a cure song. I like the guitar tho.

    Replay Value

    I would not play it, I might skip it. Maybe it’s a grower, but the initial response, not a fav. 

    Rating

    ⭐ 7.5/10

    Track 6: [My way]

    First Listen

    Is this her “Better than revenge”? 

    Well it is better than that. She is calling someone out for crossing her boundaries with her boyfriend.

    I love when women take a stand for themselves and create boundaries, absolutely love that. 

    About the song, it’s again giving me mixed feelings, I am somewhere in the middle with this one.

    I don’t have much thoughts about this song in particular, it’s pretty to the point. 

    Lyrics

    The lyrics are kind of calling someone out, this also doesn’t have any specific lyrics that stand out to me here.

    Production

    The production is good with guitar and drums. The arrangement creates the perfect atmosphere. 

    Standout Moment

    Nothing much stood out here/

    Replay Value

    Willingly won’t play the song, but I will not shut it either.

    Rating

    ⭐7.5 /10

    Track 7: [Purple]

    First Listen

    Oh I love interpreting music as I go, and it seems this one is more like her realising the relationship is going south.

    This is good, it’s not a bad song, the lyrics and music complement each other too, but again for me there is something missing, I can’t pin the point where, but there is something missing for me.

    She is using the colour purple as a metaphor here because she is becoming too tangled with her partner. Which is again clever, but as much as I love this metaphor I still don’t like that song that much. The depth is there, I give her that. The pen game is super.

    Lyrics

    I liked the lyric “You kiss my neck
    Made out paths intersect”

    “And i melt in your blue, your red and my blue
    Now I see the world in purple”. Beautiful.

    Production

    There is a lot of use of guitars and drums in this album… Sonically, this is one of the stronger tracks (for me.) 

    Standout Moment

    The song is pretty actually, Ofcourse what stands out for me the most are the lyrics (writer’s brain), followed by guitar and drums. The imagery is beautiful. 

    “Melt with you till it all turns black
    When you smooth it out, but it feels too flat”.

    Replay Value

    Yes, I would replay it, the lyrics were good, and I liked the song.

    Rating

    ⭐ 8.5/10

    Track 8: [The Cure]

    First Listen

    Another masterpiece on the album. This is the song that made me do this whole review and listen to the album.

    The song is about self doubt, emotional struggles and how relationships cannot fix what we have inside us. 

    This clicked instantly. 

    One thing I don’t like about it is, she keeps comparing herself to others, her partner, other girls and more.

    The cure she is looking for is not there, it never was the cure is in us. And I could relate. I was like this once too, I thought “maybe there is something wrong with me”. 

    I have come out from a chapter similar to this, probably why I got instantly hitched.

    Lyrics

    The whole song is actually really good, kinda relatable too. 

    My favourite lyrics are the chores actually “My head is full of poison
    And my heart is full of doubt
    I got toxins in my bloodstream.”

    “I’m unraveled”

    Okay, I find this lyric funny in a good way. “Feeling so alone, might as well be on the moon.”

    Production

    The production is good. I love the acoustic guitar in the back a lot, and Strings. The production gives the song a nostalgic feel. 

    Standout Moment

    The song is mesmerising and I can relate to this one off. Another one of the top 5.

    The standout are the lyrics of course for me. As a writer, I am always drawn to the lyrics of the songs. So, I love when artists are great writers too.

    Replay Value

    Yes, replaying it. Instant save… oh wait it already is. 

    Give this one a chance. 

    Rating

    ⭐ 10/10

    Track 9: [Begged]

    First Listen

    This one is her begging for affection from her partner. I don’t like when people beg others, but then again she is young and definitely not like me. 

    The song is pretty fabulous actually, I was not expecting to like someone begging their partner this much, but I did. And I related to some of this too.

    The way she described herself as an anchor, because it’s heavy and stays there until lifted out. And then she called herself a penny. In a way saying she cannot be away from him or she would sink.

    I like interpretation of arts differently, maybe she mentioned something else, but that’s what I think.

    Lyrics

    “And my endless well of needs
    I’m an anchor in the ocean
    You know I could never leave” Chef’s kiss 🤌🏻

    Production

    The production on the album is immaculate. It sounds more like a sad song, like a realisation and the song portrays it so well.

    Standout Moment

    It’s very melancholy, the song is another great one on the album. It’s a ballad and I absolutely adore Olivia for this. 

    The lyric that standout the most for me is “I’m a penny in a fountain
    Just waiting on my luck to change.”

    Replay Value

    Yes, it has replay value, I will be playing it again. This one’s staying in my rotation. 

    Definitely recommend this one.

    Rating

    ⭐ 9.5/10

    Track 10: [What’s wrong with me]

    First Listen

    This is a collaboration with English musician Robert Smith of The Cure, I haven’t heard much about The cure to be honest.

    Again a miss for me, this is not my taste. The song is good, but not for me. I don’t think it will grow on me either.

    I didn’t like it much

    Lyrics

    It’s good, I am not that much a fan of this as much as I would have loved to be. 

    Production

    Same guitar, bass, piano, Old-School Synths, but it all goes great with the album.

    Standout Moment

    The lyric “Went to the doctor and she said I was fine
    But every movie that I see makes me cry” is what stood out the best for me.

    I also like the guitar in the middle.

    Replay Value

    Won’t mind playing it again.

    Rating

    ⭐ 5/10

    Track 11: [Less]

    First Listen

    Less talks about trying hard to save a relationship.

    It is a ballad song. I love ballad songs. The way she explains her body physically suffering in this album with every song is really fantastic. 

    It’s like her body is physically telling her she needs to let go.

    Not being okay, body and head protesting, stomach in knots, going insane, there are so many references of her relationship to her body physically and mentally going through it.

    Lyrics

    This is easily one of the highlights of the album, what else can I say. These songs are pretty good.

    The writing feels raw and honest. She is suffering and the way she expresses it in her words on a song is otherworldly to me right now.

    Production

    The most beautiful track on the album sonically for me.

    Standout Moment

    The standout for me is the lyric “If loving me means letting go
    And wishing me the best
    I wish….. You loved me less”

    Replay Value

    Yes, I would come back to this every time. It’s a great song. I love the piano.

    If you love ballads, listen to this one.

    Rating

    ⭐ 10/10

    Track 12: [Expectations]

    First Listen

    This is her comeback to herself. Talks about her developing herself and setting standards. 

    Love that for her.

    The song is pretty simple, straight to the points. I like this one, it is not the best on the album, but is up there with top 8.

    She is taking her power back with this one, after being in a toxic relationship.

    Lyrics

    Every line feels intentional, she no longer cares about men, and will prioritize herself over men. 

    Production

    This is a very fast-paced 80s inspired song. This goes well with the lyrics, I have realised she is really inspired by Pop-rock a lot in her songs.

    Standout Moment

    Definitely the lyrics “won’t settle for a guy with a fake job
    They seem so desperate for lovin’, but, baby, I’m not.”

    Replay Value

    Sure, I won’t mind replaying it. But it’s not really for me.

    Rating

    ⭐ 8/10

    Track 13: [Cigarette Smoke]

    First Listen

    She is trying to get over her ex… But he still lingers

    I just read about the song and I found out ; “On “cigarette smoke,” Olivia uses the smell of cigarette smoke—which notoriously lingers and is difficult to get rid of—as a metaphor for how hard it is to get over her ex.”

    Which is quite a clever metaphor.

    I don’t know what else to say, if there is a word bigger than love, I would use it to describe the song. It caught me off guard, because this was not my expectations, but this has gone beyond that.

    Lyrics

    The metaphors are incredibly clever. A comparison between her ex and cigarette smoke. She is talking about regretting staying so long. She talks about her resentment, a good ending to the album.

    Production

    I absolutely love the production on this album, this has to be one of my fav albums of the year actually.

    Standout Moment

    So many thing, but Lyrics. Specially lyrics.

    “Some nights can be
    So fucking lonely
    But it’s better than begging for you to stand up for me, honeybee”

    Replay Value

    Another one for the top 5, my playlist is long, but I keep adding. 

    Even if the album isn’t your thing, I’d still recommend this track. 

    This has to be a perfect end to the album.

    Rating

    ⭐ 10/10

    (Bonus Track) Track 14: [Never do (demo)]

    First Listen

    This is a bonus acoustic track, it’s not in the album. So I am not sure how I feel about rating it. 

    Again, it’s an acoustic song, I am not even sure if I heard the correct song, because again, it’s not on Spotify. 

    Lyrics

    This is a perfect other ending of the album. The lyrics are pretty simple; it talks about empty promises in a relationship. I liked this.

    Production

    It’s an acoustic demo.

    Standout Moment

    The songwriting really shines here. 

    “Alone, I feel alone
    Fresh out of things I can numb myself with on my phone
    In love, you’re so in love
    Is that why you went to parties and left me at home for a month?”

    Replay Value

    I would play it, but the song is not available on streaming sites yet… I think. I heard it on youtube.

    If it is available, I’ll play and recommend.

    Rating

    ⭐9.5 /10

    Final Thoughts

    Best Track: Less or Stupid love (I can’t decide) 💕

    Most Underrated: Honeybee (I would say it is a grower, and quite cute)🥰

    Strongest Lyrics: Cigarette smoke

    Best Production: I think the entire album production is really good and it is really cohesive. 

    Biggest Surprise: Less

    Favorite Three Tracks: Less, The cure, Cigarette smoke 

    Skip (if any): Right now, maybe “what’s wrong with me?” 🙃

    Overall Rating: ⭐8.7/10

    Would I Recommend It?: Yes!!🎧

    Who would enjoy this album?: My best friend (I am gonna go ask if she have heard this yet) 

    Would I Listen to This Album Again From Start to Finish?: Yes, I would do it.

    Let me know what do you think about the album below 👇🏻💕

    , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

  • The Art of Returning

    Returning to old passions is sometimes the first step toward finding yourself again.

    I recently started thinking about how much I love writing and all the years I had lost not being able to do it.

    I was just having a conversation with my friend, well kind of asking her about this. She used to draw, but unfortunately due to growing up and responsibilities she had to leave that behind. But recently while speaking to her, I sort of asked her if she draws and she said “Sounds really rejuvenating”.

    This got me thinking, when I was a child I used to write my thoughts, quotes or poems in a notebook as a child and then I absolutely left that due to my studies and being a teenager.

    For years, I did not touch a pen to write my thoughts, until this one time when I was 24 and I met someone. This guy was working in my office and would do freelance writing. He seemed quite intellectual, but that was not a meeting I ever want to remember, that’s a story for maybe a few years… (my mom reads my blog, so I don’t want to talk about boys here….. Not for now.)

    Anyways, I thought it was so cool to be able to do what you love while carrying responsibility.

    And it stuck in my head, why couldn’t I do it?

    And then in 2022, I completely changed my life… I left my job and found a better company, enrolled for my master’s degree in literature, and I also got a home with my sister. 2022 was a pivotal year for me.

    So, I got back into writing in 2024, and started the blog and worked on my books.

    I questioned, what would my life look like today if I had never returned to writing?

    It would be dead actually, it would be boring with me doing absolutely nothing productive. My writing has not only helped me to write, but it in a way shaped my thoughts and discipline in life. So, I would have been a completely different person without it.

    Why do people slowly abandon the things they once loved?

    People slowly abandon the things they once loved due to natural psychological shifts, including the evolution of personal identity, diminishing returns (habituation), and the accumulation of negative associations or pressure.

    Over time, priorities naturally change, and what once brought joy may no longer align with a person’s current lifestyle or values.

    Psychologists and behavioral scientists point to a few core reasons for this drift:

    The Novelty Wears Off (Habituation):
    The human brain is wired to adapt to recurring stimuli. The intense dopamine rush experienced when first engaging in a new hobby or passion naturally levels out, making the activity feel routine or less exciting over time.

    Identity Shifts:
    As people grow, their sense of self evolves. An activity that defined a person in their teens or twenties might no longer fit who they are, causing them to naturally outgrow it.

    The “Value vs. Effort” Equation:
    Hobbies can start to feel like chores. If the mental, physical, or financial effort required to maintain a passion begins to outweigh the joy it brings, people slowly disengage.

    Performance Pressure:
    Turning a beloved hobby into a side hustle or comparing oneself to experts can introduce stress and anxiety, stripping the activity of its original recreational value.

    Competing Priorities:
    Life stages change. New responsibilities—such as careers, family, or other life events—limit available time, forcing individuals to consciously or subconsciously reallocate their attention.

    Ultimately, abandoning a past interest is rarely a sudden rejection; rather, it is usually a gradual fading of interest as new habits and phases of life take precedence.

    What changes when someone starts doing an old hobby again? Is it the hobby itself, or something deeper?

    When someone returns to an old hobby, the activity itself rarely changes. Instead, the transformation is entirely internal.
    Reigniting a past passion alters your psychological relationship with the activity, reflecting deep changes in your personal growth and mindset.

    What Actually Changes

    A Shift in Motivation:
    People usually return to hobbies for therapeutic reasons rather than achievement. The initial drive to master a skill is replaced by a desire for stress relief, nostalgia, or mental clarity.

    Lowered Stakes:
    The pressure to perform or compete typically vanishes. Adults returning to childhood hobbies care less about perfection and more about pure enjoyment.

    New Perspectives:
    Years of life experience give you a different lens. A book read a decade ago reveals new meanings; a sport played with a mature body requires new strategies.

    Dopamine Reset:
    The brain is no longer chasing the frantic high of novelty. Instead, it experiences the grounding comfort of predictability and familiarity.

    The Deeper Psychological Shift

    Returning to a hobby is often an act of self-reclamation. It signifies a desire to reconnect with a version of yourself that existed before life became consumed by career, family, or societal pressures. It is an intentional choice to prioritize personal joy over productivity, marking a transition from survival mode back into self-care.

    What do we lose when we stop creating, exploring, or playing just because we’re adults?

    When we stop creating, exploring, and playing in adulthood, we lose essential cognitive, emotional, and social benefits. Abandoning these activities diminishes our natural adaptability, restricts our ability to relieve stress, and stifles the creative problem-solving skills necessary for navigating a complex world.

    Here is a breakdown of what we miss out on when we lose touch with these vital human drives:
    1. The Cost of Not Creating

    Suppressed Emotional Processing: Making art or building things provides a healthy outlet to process complex feelings, leading to lower anxiety and better mood regulation.

    Stifled Innovation: Creativity isn’t just for artists; it is the foundation of innovation. Without it, we lose the drive to challenge the status quo and find novel solutions in our careers and personal lives.

    Diminished Sense of Agency: Creating reminds us that we can shape our environment. When we stop, we transition from active participants in our lives to passive consumers.

    1. The Cost of Not Exploring

    Reduced Neuroplasticity: Exploring new hobbies, places, or ideas forces the brain to form new neural pathways. Without this stimulation, our minds become rigid, making it harder to learn new skills.

    Eroded Curiosity: The world is full of nuance. When we stop exploring, we settle for surface-level assumptions and lose the childlike wonder that keeps life engaging.

    Stagnant Personal Growth: Stepping out of our comfort zone builds resilience. Without exploration, we risk becoming complacent and overly comfortable with monotony.

    1. The Cost of Not Playing

    Higher Stress and Burnout: Play is a primary way the nervous system resets. Adults who don’t play are more susceptible to chronic stress and emotional exhaustion.

    Poor Interpersonal Connection: Shared play builds trust and deepens relationships. A lack of it can lead to isolation and more rigid, transactional interactions with friends, family, and colleagues.

    Loss of Adaptive Thinking: Play allows us to experiment, fail, and try again without high stakes. Without it, we become terrified of making mistakes, which heavily limits our willingness to take healthy risks.

    Psychologists and researchers emphasize that play and creativity are not luxuries; they are biological imperatives that keep our brains healthy and our spirits vibrant. Engaging in these activities releases endorphins, boosts immune function, and fosters a lifelong enthusiasm for living.

    Conclusion

    Maybe growing up was never supposed to mean leaving behind the things that once made us feel alive. Somewhere between deadlines, responsibilities, and the constant pressure to be productive, many of us quietly set aside the hobbies that once brought us joy.

    But the beautiful thing about passion is that it doesn’t disappear. It waits.

    Whether it’s writing, drawing, dancing, painting, playing an instrument, or something only you know, it’s never too late to return to it. You don’t have to be as good as you once were. You don’t have to turn it into a career or a side hustle. You don’t even have to share it with anyone.

    Just begin again.

    So today, I want to leave you with one question: What is one thing you loved doing that you’ve quietly left behind?

    Maybe it’s time to dust it off, give yourself permission to be a beginner again, and rediscover a part of yourself you thought was gone.

    Do let me know which hobbies you want to get in touch with below! 👇🏻💕

    , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

  • The difference between being wanted and being valued.

    A personal reflection on love, attraction, emotional depth, and genuine care. 

    I recently was watching a Turkish Show called “Sen Çal Kapımı”, and I fell in love with Serkan, he became my favourite thing on the show. Yes, the show followed a typical TV series trope from enemies to lovers, second change romance and memory loss, but I was still hooked. I knew it was stupid, but I was hooked. Because of Serkan. 

    Now his character was not the brightest, he had flaws a lot of them, but I loved how he redeemed himself, (and let’s be honest, I was in love with Kerem more). And that show made me reflect on myself and what I want. 

    Too deep.

    I know.

    But, I had a conversation with myself about what I want in my life, the kind of partner (if I ever get one) I would want to spend my life with. And I came to a realisation that I gravitate towards similar types of men. Emotionally available, intense, intelligent, intentional, sharp , witty and masculine men. Which is why characters like Serkan hit me so much.

    I like being valued more than being wanted. I want someone to respect me more than desire me. I want to be considered rather than just be attractive to someone. I refuse to be looked at like an object.

    I want the intensity, but I want respect too.

    I want to be desired, but I want to be considered too.

    I want attraction, but I want attentiveness too.

    There’s a huge difference between being wanted and being valued, yet people constantly confuse the two. Personally, I would choose being valued every single time. Being wanted may feel exciting, passionate, and validating in the moment, but being valued is what creates trust, stability, and genuine connection. 

    Being wanted is often tied to desire, attraction, loneliness, fantasy, or emotional need. It is connected to how someone feels around you and what you provide for them emotionally or physically. Being valued, however, goes deeper than attraction. It is about being respected, considered, appreciated, and treated with care. 

    A person can desire you deeply and still fail to treat you properly. That is the difference many people overlook.

    ✨ What Is Want?

    Want is emotional or physical desire toward someone. People are often drawn to others because they feel exciting, comforting, validating, attractive, or emotionally fulfilling. Attraction and desire are completely natural parts of human connection, and there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting someone.

    However, desire alone does not automatically create healthy love. Sometimes people become attached to the feeling another person gives them rather than genuinely appreciating who that person is. They may love the attention, comfort, validation, or emotional escape they receive without truly understanding or respecting the individual behind it.

    Want can feel intense and consuming, but intensity by itself is not proof of emotional depth. 

    🌿 What Is Value?

    Value is recognizing someone’s worth beyond what they can offer you emotionally or physically. It means appreciating them as a whole person, respecting their individuality, caring about their feelings, and treating them with thoughtfulness and consistency.

    Unlike desire, value is reflected through behavior. Someone who values you communicates honestly, respects your boundaries, supports you during difficult moments, and considers how their actions affect you. Their care is not dependent only on convenience, attraction, or emotional highs.

    While desire may draw people together, value is often what helps relationships survive beyond the initial excitement. 

    💭 Why Do People Crave Being Wanted More Than Being Valued?

    Being wanted feels emotionally powerful. It can make people feel attractive, chosen, important, and desired. That intensity creates excitement and instant emotional gratification, which is why so many people chase it.

    Society also glamorizes passionate pursuit far more than emotional stability. Movies, social media, and modern dating culture often portray obsession, jealousy, and constant longing as signs of deep love. Meanwhile, consistency, emotional maturity, and healthy communication are sometimes treated as boring simply because they feel calmer.

    The problem is that emotional intensity and emotional depth are not always the same thing. Someone can strongly desire you and still fail to respect you, prioritize you, or care for you properly. That is why desire alone is never enough. Without respect and consideration, intensity eventually becomes draining instead of fulfilling. 

    🌸 Why Should Value Matter More?

    Value matters more because it is revealed through actions rather than temporary emotions. Attraction changes. Feelings shift. Excitement naturally rises and falls over time. But the way someone consistently treats you says far more about the health of a relationship than emotional intensity ever could.

    Someone who truly values you listens to you, respects your boundaries, considers your feelings, and shows up even when things are difficult or inconvenient. They see you as a person, not just as a source of validation, comfort, or desire.

    Being wanted may give you butterflies, but being valued gives you peace, trust, and emotional security. 

    🌱 How Can People Learn to Value Respect Over Desire?

    Many people chase being wanted because they connect it to self-worth. Attention and attraction can feel validating, especially in a world where desirability is constantly tied to confidence, beauty, and social value. But eventually, people begin to realize that attention means very little when it comes without care or consistency.

    One of the healthiest mindset shifts is learning to focus less on how intensely someone feels about you and more on how they treat you daily. Instead of only asking:

    “Do they want me?”
    people should also ask:
    “Do they respect me?”
    “Do they support me?”
    “Do I feel safe, heard, and considered around them?”

    Building self-worth plays a huge role here too. People who value themselves are less likely to settle for relationships built only on attraction or emotional highs. They begin to understand that real love is not just about being desired, but about being genuinely appreciated and cared for as a whole person. 

    🚩 Choosing Better Partners

    Choosing better partners often comes down to paying attention to behavior rather than getting lost in chemistry or emotional intensity. Attraction can be powerful, but it should never be the only foundation of a relationship.

    Someone may know exactly how to make you feel wanted, but their actions will always reveal their true character over time. Do they communicate honestly? Do they respect boundaries? Are they emotionally reliable? Do their actions consistently match their words?

    Healthy relationships should bring clarity, trust, peace, and emotional stability instead of constant confusion, mixed signals, anxiety, or emotional chaos. Sometimes people mistake instability for passion simply because it feels intense. 

    Choosing better partners means prioritizing emotional maturity, communication, consistency, and mutual respect over temporary excitement or obsession.

    🤍 Conclusion

    In the end, being wanted and being valued are not the same thing. Desire may create attraction and excitement, but value is what creates trust, respect, and lasting emotional connection.

    Healthy relationships need both passion and care. There is nothing wrong with wanting or being wanted. But personally, if I had to choose between intense desire and genuine value, I would choose value every time. Because while attraction may pull people together, it is respect, consideration, and emotional care that make love last. 

    , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,