Ladyink with love

Tag: life

  • Announcement!!

    The new chapter of my new story is out now!!!

    You can find it on Wattpad!!

    https://www.wattpad.com/story/409011000?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading_part_end&wp_uname=LadyinkS2
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  • The difference between being wanted and being valued.

    A personal reflection on love, attraction, emotional depth, and genuine care. 

    I recently was watching a Turkish Show called “Sen Çal Kapımı”, and I fell in love with Serkan, he became my favourite thing on the show. Yes, the show followed a typical TV series trope from enemies to lovers, second change romance and memory loss, but I was still hooked. I knew it was stupid, but I was hooked. Because of Serkan. 

    Now his character was not the brightest, he had flaws a lot of them, but I loved how he redeemed himself, (and let’s be honest, I was in love with Kerem more). And that show made me reflect on myself and what I want. 

    Too deep.

    I know.

    But, I had a conversation with myself about what I want in my life, the kind of partner (if I ever get one) I would want to spend my life with. And I came to a realisation that I gravitate towards similar types of men. Emotionally available, intense, intelligent, intentional, sharp , witty and masculine men. Which is why characters like Serkan hit me so much.

    I like being valued more than being wanted. I want someone to respect me more than desire me. I want to be considered rather than just be attractive to someone. I refuse to be looked at like an object.

    I want the intensity, but I want respect too.

    I want to be desired, but I want to be considered too.

    I want attraction, but I want attentiveness too.

    There’s a huge difference between being wanted and being valued, yet people constantly confuse the two. Personally, I would choose being valued every single time. Being wanted may feel exciting, passionate, and validating in the moment, but being valued is what creates trust, stability, and genuine connection. 

    Being wanted is often tied to desire, attraction, loneliness, fantasy, or emotional need. It is connected to how someone feels around you and what you provide for them emotionally or physically. Being valued, however, goes deeper than attraction. It is about being respected, considered, appreciated, and treated with care. 

    A person can desire you deeply and still fail to treat you properly. That is the difference many people overlook.

    ✨ What Is Want?

    Want is emotional or physical desire toward someone. People are often drawn to others because they feel exciting, comforting, validating, attractive, or emotionally fulfilling. Attraction and desire are completely natural parts of human connection, and there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting someone.

    However, desire alone does not automatically create healthy love. Sometimes people become attached to the feeling another person gives them rather than genuinely appreciating who that person is. They may love the attention, comfort, validation, or emotional escape they receive without truly understanding or respecting the individual behind it.

    Want can feel intense and consuming, but intensity by itself is not proof of emotional depth. 

    🌿 What Is Value?

    Value is recognizing someone’s worth beyond what they can offer you emotionally or physically. It means appreciating them as a whole person, respecting their individuality, caring about their feelings, and treating them with thoughtfulness and consistency.

    Unlike desire, value is reflected through behavior. Someone who values you communicates honestly, respects your boundaries, supports you during difficult moments, and considers how their actions affect you. Their care is not dependent only on convenience, attraction, or emotional highs.

    While desire may draw people together, value is often what helps relationships survive beyond the initial excitement. 

    💭 Why Do People Crave Being Wanted More Than Being Valued?

    Being wanted feels emotionally powerful. It can make people feel attractive, chosen, important, and desired. That intensity creates excitement and instant emotional gratification, which is why so many people chase it.

    Society also glamorizes passionate pursuit far more than emotional stability. Movies, social media, and modern dating culture often portray obsession, jealousy, and constant longing as signs of deep love. Meanwhile, consistency, emotional maturity, and healthy communication are sometimes treated as boring simply because they feel calmer.

    The problem is that emotional intensity and emotional depth are not always the same thing. Someone can strongly desire you and still fail to respect you, prioritize you, or care for you properly. That is why desire alone is never enough. Without respect and consideration, intensity eventually becomes draining instead of fulfilling. 

    🌸 Why Should Value Matter More?

    Value matters more because it is revealed through actions rather than temporary emotions. Attraction changes. Feelings shift. Excitement naturally rises and falls over time. But the way someone consistently treats you says far more about the health of a relationship than emotional intensity ever could.

    Someone who truly values you listens to you, respects your boundaries, considers your feelings, and shows up even when things are difficult or inconvenient. They see you as a person, not just as a source of validation, comfort, or desire.

    Being wanted may give you butterflies, but being valued gives you peace, trust, and emotional security. 

    🌱 How Can People Learn to Value Respect Over Desire?

    Many people chase being wanted because they connect it to self-worth. Attention and attraction can feel validating, especially in a world where desirability is constantly tied to confidence, beauty, and social value. But eventually, people begin to realize that attention means very little when it comes without care or consistency.

    One of the healthiest mindset shifts is learning to focus less on how intensely someone feels about you and more on how they treat you daily. Instead of only asking:

    “Do they want me?”
    people should also ask:
    “Do they respect me?”
    “Do they support me?”
    “Do I feel safe, heard, and considered around them?”

    Building self-worth plays a huge role here too. People who value themselves are less likely to settle for relationships built only on attraction or emotional highs. They begin to understand that real love is not just about being desired, but about being genuinely appreciated and cared for as a whole person. 

    🚩 Choosing Better Partners

    Choosing better partners often comes down to paying attention to behavior rather than getting lost in chemistry or emotional intensity. Attraction can be powerful, but it should never be the only foundation of a relationship.

    Someone may know exactly how to make you feel wanted, but their actions will always reveal their true character over time. Do they communicate honestly? Do they respect boundaries? Are they emotionally reliable? Do their actions consistently match their words?

    Healthy relationships should bring clarity, trust, peace, and emotional stability instead of constant confusion, mixed signals, anxiety, or emotional chaos. Sometimes people mistake instability for passion simply because it feels intense. 

    Choosing better partners means prioritizing emotional maturity, communication, consistency, and mutual respect over temporary excitement or obsession.

    🤍 Conclusion

    In the end, being wanted and being valued are not the same thing. Desire may create attraction and excitement, but value is what creates trust, respect, and lasting emotional connection.

    Healthy relationships need both passion and care. There is nothing wrong with wanting or being wanted. But personally, if I had to choose between intense desire and genuine value, I would choose value every time. Because while attraction may pull people together, it is respect, consideration, and emotional care that make love last. 

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  • What are the biggest benefits of minimalist living?

    Daily writing prompt
    What are the biggest benefits of minimalist living?
    View all responses

    I personally love a minimalist life, I love having financial freedom and more time and energy for things I want to do instead of doing everything at once.

    It in a way also made me more discipline. I hope I am able to follow it more with my job and writing both!!

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  • Women Are Not Lonely. They’re Tired.

    Lately, I’ve been seeing more and more conversations online about the so-called “female loneliness epidemic.”

    Usually, the argument goes something like this:

    Women chose independence over relationships.
    Women rejected traditional roles.
    Women focused too much on careers.
    And now they’re supposedly ending up lonely, bitter, and emotionally unfulfilled.

    A lot of red pill content especially loves this narrative. It gets framed almost like a warning:
    “This is what happens when women become too independent.”

    But honestly, I think people are misdiagnosing the problem entirely. I was having this same discussion about my friends and wanted to know their inputs as well.

    One of my friends said:
    “It’s a bit general but also different in females, they can literally do anything but crave connection/companionship, even if we don’t like to admit it, it’s true up to a certain extent, it’s mainly our internal fears, avoidance or neglected feelings that we sometimes don’t know how to handle, maybe it’s different for others but I feel core in context of human psychological is, yes all the things we do to make ourselves better definitely help and shapes us but we cannot neglect the fact that we crave connection deep down”

    And my other friend said:
    “I think it’s just an experience but not real.. like if we change our mindset about loneliness we can change our life. I have worked on this in previous days and based on my experience, society has taught us to chase things. And chasing brings negligence to our own needs as our attention is directed towards chasing and if we don’t get that we feel lonely or broken, instead we should focus on our needs and goals, it literally kills loneliness”

    I kind of agree with it as well.

    Most women are not sitting alone in empty apartments desperately starved for human connection.

    They’re exhausted.

    And those are not the same thing.

    There’s a Difference Between Isolation and Exhaustion

    Male loneliness and female emotional exhaustion are often treated like identical social problems, but they operate very differently.

    A lot of lonely men genuinely lack connection.
    Many struggle with:

    • emotional intimacy
    • close friendships
    • physical affection
    • dating opportunities
    • emotional support systems

    For some men, loneliness is literal isolation.

    But when many women say they’re “tired,” the issue often isn’t lack of people.

    It’s the opposite.

    Too many demands.
    Too many expectations.
    Too much emotional output.
    Too much pressure to perform multiple roles perfectly at the same time.

    Women are often expected to:

    • succeed professionally
    • maintain relationships
    • emotionally support others
    • stay attractive
    • remain emotionally available
    • manage households
    • maintain social connections
    • care for family members
    • regulate conflict
    • keep everything functioning smoothly

    And somehow do all of this while appearing calm, grateful, and emotionally composed.

    That’s not loneliness.

    That’s overload.


    The Internet Keeps Mislabeling Burnout as Loneliness

    This is where I think online discourse gets lazy.

    Every emotional struggle gets flattened into the word “loneliness” because it’s dramatic, clickable, and emotionally charged.

    But emotional exhaustion is not always loneliness.

    A woman can:

    • have friends
    • have a partner
    • have coworkers
    • have family around her
    • have people texting her constantly

    …and still feel emotionally drained to the point of numbness.

    Not because nobody loves her.
    Not because she has no social life.
    But because she’s constantly giving.

    That’s a very different emotional reality from true social isolation.

    And honestly, calling every exhausted woman “lonely” oversimplifies what many women are actually experiencing.

    The Emotional Labour Problem Nobody Wants to Fully Address

    One thing I do think women experience heavily is emotional over-responsibility.

    A lot of women are socially conditioned to become emotional managers without even realizing it.

    They remember birthdays.
    They check in first.
    They smooth over tension.
    They notice emotional shifts.
    They keep conversations emotionally alive.
    They carry relational maintenance quietly in the background.

    Over time, this creates a dynamic where women are constantly emotionally “on.”

    And eventually, many become deeply tired of carrying emotional weight for everyone while suppressing their own needs to keep things functioning.

    Again, that’s not necessarily loneliness.

    It’s emotional fatigue.


    Red Pill Conversations Get One Thing Wrong

    A lot of red pill content interprets female exhaustion as regret.

    That’s the mistake.

    When women talk about being tired, overwhelmed, emotionally burnt out, or disconnected from themselves, some people immediately translate that into:
    “See? Women were happier in traditional roles.”

    But many women are not exhausted because they have too much freedom.

    They’re exhausted because modern society often expects them to do everything.

    Be independent, but still nurturing.
    Build a career, but still prioritize everyone emotionally.
    Be confident, but not intimidating.
    Be attractive, but effortless.
    Be emotionally intelligent, but never emotionally difficult.

    Women are expected to evolve professionally while still carrying many traditional emotional expectations at the same time.

    That combination creates pressure, not necessarily loneliness.


    Social Media Makes the Problem Worse

    Social media also adds another layer of exhaustion that people underestimate.

    Women are constantly consuming:

    • beauty standards
    • productivity culture
    • relationship content
    • self-improvement messaging
    • “perfect life” aesthetics

    Every scroll subtly sends the message:
    You should be doing more.
    Looking better.
    Healing faster.
    Achieving more.
    Balancing life better.

    Eventually, even rest starts feeling unproductive.

    And when people are emotionally overstimulated for long enough, they often mistake burnout for emptiness.


    Women Don’t Always Need More People. Sometimes They Need Relief.

    I think this is the part many conversations completely miss.

    Not every emotionally struggling woman needs:

    • more dating
    • more socializing
    • more attention
    • more people around her

    Sometimes she needs:

    • less pressure
    • less emotional responsibility
    • more reciprocity
    • actual rest
    • healthier boundaries
    • relationships where she doesn’t have to constantly perform strength

    There’s a huge difference between:
    “I have nobody”
    and
    “I’m tired of carrying everything.”

    One is isolation.
    The other is depletion.


    The Problem With Romanticizing “The Strong Woman”

    Modern culture praises women for being endlessly resilient.

    The woman who handles everything.
    The woman who never breaks down.
    The woman who supports everyone else.
    The woman who keeps going no matter how exhausted she feels.

    But strength without support eventually becomes self-erasure.

    A lot of women aren’t collapsing because they’re incapable.
    They’re collapsing because they’ve been emotionally functioning at unsustainable levels for years.

    And ironically, the more capable a woman appears, the less people often check if she’s okay.


    Conclusion

    I’m not saying female loneliness doesn’t exist. Of course it does.

    But I do think the internet is increasingly misusing the word “loneliness” to describe forms of emotional exhaustion that are actually rooted in pressure, burnout, emotional labour, and overstimulation.

    Many women are not emotionally starving because they have nobody.

    They’re emotionally drained because they’re expected to be everything.

    And maybe the conversation needs to become less about:
    “Why are women lonely?”

    And more about:
    “Why are women carrying so much?”

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  • What does freedom mean to you?

    Daily writing prompt
    What does freedom mean to you?
    View all responses

    To be free, free to do whatever I want.

    I don’t know why and how I became so hyper-independent and so focused on just me, but this is what freedom feels like, at least to me. Just living my life, working, going out with friends, travelling, taking care of my mental health, working on myself, and just self care as a whole.

    It’s such an amazing feeling when you have no one to give you stress and anxiety. No one who questions you, no one you value you more than yourself, I am so at peace right now, that the thought of getting into a relationship is kinds scary to me because what if he messes with my peace?

    I just love living life for myself and with myself so much. I have found serenity in myself.

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