I think I’ve fallen out of love with romance. I used to be someone who could get completely absorbed in a romance. A love story could carry an entire book or show for you.
But now?
I recently picked up a contemporary romance and found myself thinking, Is this it?
I just watched the Love hypothesis Amazon’s adaptation, and finished reading From Lukrov with love, and I don’t know what I was thinking the whole time. I started the book on 10th September, and it took me 18 days to finish the book, not because I am a slow reader, but because I just couldn’t get into it. There were times, when I would just keep the book down, close it and place it away from me. I try to look for alternatives to get back to something more interesting.
It’s not necessarily bad. Not necessarily offensive.
Just… Bland. I am pretty sure people found it lovely, but it just wasn’t for me.
Same with the movie “Love Hypothesis” as well, I just couldn’t get into it. Again it wasn’t necessarily bad, but it seemed quite boring to me.
And that raises the question of what changed.
When Romance Used to Feel Like an Event
Going back to what romance used to feel like to me.
The anticipation.
The longing.
The tension between two people.
The feeling that something was happening every time the characters were together.
When I was younger, a great romance made me feel happy and giddy. It made me feel amazing, and it made me want to experience that kind of love someday.
Titanic Jack and Rose, Damon and Elena from The Vampire Diaries were some of the first romances that really captivated me. I loved the tension, the yearning, the falling in love, the confession and, of course, the first kiss.
What I loved most was the anticipation. Two people trying to fight their feelings but eventually being unable to resist them. Pride and Prejudice (2005), Bridgerton Season 2 and The Vampire Diaries Seasons 3 and 4 gave me that feeling. I wanted to keep watching because I genuinely needed to know what would happen between the characters.
I loved banter, chemistry, dialogue and those tiny romantic gestures that made a relationship feel like it was slowly becoming something more.
Somewhere along the way, though, that feeling disappeared.
I first noticed it while watching Arafta. I was bored, so I tried another show. Then another. They all felt the same.
And I realised I hadn’t really felt captivated by a romance since Queen Charlotte.
Maybe I haven’t stopped loving romance. Maybe I just haven’t found one that makes me feel it anymore.
Then Modern Romance Started Losing Me
Contemporary romance increasingly feels formulaic to me.
The same tropes, the same character dynamics, the same banter, the same misunderstandings. The same perfectly attractive people with conveniently marketable personalities. The same relationship progression.
And instead of getting swept away, I’m sitting here noticing the formula.
But for me personally, I just can’t get behind it. There is nothing exciting about 2 people falling in love just by having forced banter (and it’s not even good). Every enemies to lovers book has the same trope of banter and I hate you, but they have absolutely no actual reason for it. Also the normalisation of abuse, murder and weird crimes all in the name of dark romance.
There is no yearning, no naturally falling in love, no banter that has chemistry. All I keep seeing is the man abusing the girl, killing people, she hates him, but then falls in love…. That’s not romance to me. That’s abuse being dressed up as devotion. .
Get the fuck out of there girl!!
Where is your shame and dignity? Where is the respect for yourself?
Everyone Has Chemistry, But Nothing Feels Electric
I think one of my biggest problems with modern romance is that everyone seems to have chemistry, but somehow nothing feels electric.
Characters flirt, kiss, constantly talk about how attracted they are to each other, and yet I’m sitting there thinking, Okay… and?
The romance is there, technically, but I don’t feel anything. It feels like the story is telling me that these two people have chemistry instead of actually making me feel it.
Maybe that’s because what I loved about romance was never just the attraction. It was everything that came before it. The tension. The banter. The little looks. The moments where you could tell they were falling for each other but neither of them wanted to admit it. Give me two people trying desperately not to fall in love and slowly losing that battle, and I’m invested.
Like on season 1 episode 19 of TVD, when Elena participated in the town’s pageant Miss Mystic Falls and expected Stephan to be there to escort her, but he didn’t show up. And then Damon steps in to take his brother’s place as her escort. And they danced!!
Girl!! The chemistry was chemistying!!!!
I miss when a simple conversation could make me pause, or when one small gesture could feel more romantic than an entire kissing scene. When you could feel the chemistry building without the characters constantly having to spell it out.
I think that’s what I mean when I say romance used to feel like an event. The anticipation was the romance. And somewhere along the way, I think we’ve become too eager to get to the actual relationship and forgotten how good it feels to make us wait for it.
I Miss the Slow Burn
I think I miss the kind of slow burn where the romance actually takes time to happen. Not just two characters being labelled enemies-to-lovers and taking 400 pages to finally kiss, but genuinely getting to know each other and slowly realising that something is changing.
I want the uncertainty. The stolen glances. The conversations that mean more than they seem to. The feeling that they are falling for each other before they even realise it themselves.
Sometimes modern romance feels like it is in such a hurry to get to the relationship that it forgets to make me care about how they got there. And for me, getting there was always the best part.
Why Classic Romance Still Works for Me
Maybe this is why I still love classic romance. There is something about the restraint that makes everything feel more intense.
Take Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth and Darcy don’t need to constantly tell each other how attracted they are. Half the fun is in trying to figure out what they’re actually thinking. A look, a conversation, a letter, a change in behaviour can suddenly feel incredibly romantic.
There is also something about the atmosphere of these stories that I miss. The language, the settings, the longing, the fact that people couldn’t just text each other whenever they wanted. There was more room for anticipation.
I’m not saying everything old is automatically better. It isn’t. But classic romance seems to understand something I’ve started missing: sometimes holding back can make you feel more.
The Problem Isn’t That Romance Has Become Modern
I don’t think my problem is simply that romance has become modern. That would be too easy.
I’ve enjoyed contemporary romances. I’ve loved some of them. So clearly, modernity isn’t the problem.
I think something else has changed. Romance feels more self-aware now. More trope-driven. More explicit. Sometimes it feels like the story knows exactly what it is supposed to give the reader: banter, sexual tension, a certain type of male lead, a certain type of heroine, a kiss at exactly the right point.
And maybe that’s part of why I struggle with it.
I can see the formula now.
And once I can see the formula, it’s much harder for me to get lost in the story.
Maybe I’m Just Not Looking for Romance Anymore
There is also a possibility I have to consider: maybe I have changed.
Maybe romance simply isn’t enough for me anymore. I want characters I find interesting, stories that surprise me, friendships, complicated personalities, ambition, family, mystery, something beyond two attractive people figuring out whether they want to kiss each other.
Maybe I can still enjoy romance, but I no longer need it to be the centre of a story.
And honestly, that feels strange to admit because there was a time when romance could carry an entire story for me.
Now, it has to give me a reason to care.
I Still Want to Fall in Love With a Love Story
But I don’t think I’ve given up on romance completely.
I still want that feeling.
I still want the butterflies and the yearning. I still want to become ridiculously invested in two fictional people and desperately want them to get together. I still want a confession that makes me pause the screen for a second because I need to process what just happened.
I just haven’t found much of that lately.
And maybe that’s why I’m not bored with romance itself. I’m bored with being given romance without being given a reason to feel it.
Conclusion : Maybe My Taste Changed, Maybe Romance Did Too
Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe romance has changed. Maybe it’s a little bit of both.
I don’t think I can say that modern romance is objectively worse, because clearly there are people who love it, and there are contemporary romances that I’ve enjoyed too. But I also can’t ignore how differently I experience it now. Something that once had me completely invested can now leave me feeling strangely indifferent.
And that’s probably the part that fascinates me the most. I still love romance. I still love the idea of two people slowly falling for each other. I still want the tension, the yearning, the banter and the butterflies. I still want that moment where everything finally clicks and you realise, Oh, they are completely in love with each other.
I just don’t seem to find that feeling as easily anymore.
I can still go back to Pride and Prejudice, Titanic, The Vampire Diaries, or Bridgerton Season 2 and feel something that so many newer romances haven’t been able to give me. Maybe it’s nostalgia. Maybe it’s the stories themselves. Maybe I’ve simply become harder to impress.
Whatever the reason, I don’t think I’ve stopped being a romantic. I think I’ve become someone who wants romance to actually make me feel something before I call it romantic.
Maybe that’s what I’m looking for now. Not a story that has all the right tropes, the perfect-looking couple, or enough chemistry on paper.
I want a love story that makes me forget I’m reading or watching one.
I want to feel the romance again.
Let me know your thoughts below 👇🏻💕
