Self-care for me isn’t some grand ritual. It’s not always candles, matcha lattes, or some aesthetic morning routine. To be honest, I don’t even like matcha.
For me, sometimes, it’s just doing things that keep me…… me. 💕
I practice self-care through skincare—not to look flawless, but because those few quiet minutes remind me to slow down. To breathe. To touch my own skin with care and say, you’re doing okay.
It makes me feel better,skincare and makeup to me is therapeutic.
I write to get it all out. The noise. The emotions. The anger. The joy. It helps me hear myself clearly when the world’s too loud.
Writing is something I absolutely love, it helps me to let out all me feeling. Good or bad.
I dance when I’m overwhelmed or when I need to feel alive again. Music on, moves messy, heart open. No performance, just release.
I read to escape—but also to return. To connect with something beyond my own thoughts. It’s peace.
And sometimes, I call or text my friends. Because self-care also means not doing it all alone. Just hearing a familiar voice reminds me I’m loved, even when I forget to love myself.
That’s it. That’s my version. It’s not always pretty. But it’s mine.
Why Society Fears a Woman Who Loves Herself. And Why You Should Love Yourself Even Louder
I’ve been called selfish. Stubborn. Full of myself. And honestly? They’re right—and I’m damn proud of it.
I put myself first. I say no without guilt. I choose my peace over people-pleasing. Somewhere along the way, that became a crime, especially for women. But here’s the thing: loving yourself isn’t narcissism—it’s resistance. It’s survival. It’s the plot twist no one saw coming.
I’ve always thought self-love was important—necessary, even. I love myself. I treat myself well. I take care of my body, my peace, my boundaries, and my dreams. But the moment I started choosing myself, people around me started calling me self-obsessed.
Apparently, putting yourself first is still a sin—if you’re a woman.
And look, I’m stubborn (Capricorn Sun, what else do you expect?). I didn’t see it as a bad thing. But the constant criticism made me pause and wonder: Why does society hate women who love themselves? Why does it feel like prioritizing your own joy, goals, and mental health suddenly makes you “too much”?
Let’s get into it. Buckle up.
What Is Self-Love, Actually?
Self-love isn’t posting selfies with captions like “self-love era” (although that can be part of it, and we support that too, queen). It’s much deeper.
Self-love is a concept rooted in psychology—it means treating yourself with the same kindness, compassion, and respect you’d give to someone you deeply care about. It’s recognizing your own worth even when no one else claps for you. It’s accepting your flaws, honoring your boundaries, and refusing to apologize for your joy.
Let’s break it down:
Acceptance: Acknowledging your imperfections without shame or self-hate.
Compassion: Being soft with yourself in tough moments instead of ripping yourself apart.
Prioritizing Needs: Choosing what’s best for you, even when others expect you to shrink.
Self-Respect: Not tolerating disrespect, toxicity, or situations that drain your soul.
Forgiveness: Letting go of your past mistakes and giving yourself room to grow.
Honesty: Facing your truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Self-Worth: Knowing your value isn’t tied to your productivity, appearance, or relationship status.
Why Is Self-Love Crucial for Women?
Let’s get real: for women, self-love is radical. Society has trained us to be selfless to the point of self-erasure. We’re expected to nurture, accommodate, soften our tone, and serve. So when a woman says “No” or “I come first,” people flinch.
Here’s why self-love matters even more for women:
1. It Builds Real Confidence
It’s not fake-it-till-you-make-it energy. It’s the kind of quiet power that says, “I know who I am.”
You stop waiting for validation. You give it to yourself.
2. It Improves Mental Health
Loving yourself helps reduce anxiety, perfectionism, and self-loathing.
It builds resilience—so when life throws punches, you bounce back faster.
3. It Creates Healthier Relationships
When you respect yourself, you attract people who do the same.
You learn to say “no” without guilt and “yes” without fear.
4. It Allows Authentic Living
You stop performing and start living in alignment with who you actually are.
You make decisions based on truth—not approval.
5. It Encourages Self-Care
You nourish your mind, body, and spirit because you know you’re worth it.
Whether it’s therapy, journaling, dance classes, or just sleeping 8 hours—you show up for you.
So… Why Does Society Hate That?
Short answer? Control.
Long answer? Well—
1. It Challenges Patriarchal Norms
Women are expected to serve others before themselves. A woman choosing her own path? She’s a threat. She’s “not feminine enough.” She’s “too ambitious.” But really—she’s just free.
> Example: A woman turning down a marriage proposal to focus on her career is seen as selfish. But a man doing the same? Admirable.
2. It Disrupts Power Dynamics
A self-loving woman doesn’t settle. Not in relationships. Not in jobs. Not in society’s BS. That kind of independence is dangerous—to people who benefit from your silence.
> Think of how often confident women in media are called “bossy,” “difficult,” or “too much.”
3. It Triggers Internalized Misogyny
Other women—conditioned to please, to play small—might see your confidence as arrogance. Why? Because we were all raised to believe we’re only lovable when we’re less.
> You shine? Someone will try to dim it. That says more about them than you.
4. It Exposes Double Standards
Men with high self-worth are “leaders.” Women? “Narcissists.” Men are allowed to prioritize themselves. Women are expected to sacrifice and smile while doing it.
> Reminder: Self-respect isn’t arrogance. And loving yourself doesn’t mean you hate others.
Let’s Talk About the “Threat” Thing
Some people genuinely see self-loving women as a threat. Let’s dissect that.
You challenge outdated roles: You aren’t a quiet caretaker. You’re a force.
You inspire others: Your confidence might wake up something powerful in another woman. That scares people.
You disrupt entitlement: Especially in relationships. You won’t tolerate breadcrumbs. You want a feast.
You call out BS: Misogyny, manipulation, performative allyship—you see it and name it. Loudly.
Are you actually a threat?
No. You’re progress. You’re the future. You’re healing generations of women who were told they weren’t enough unless they were suffering for someone else.
So What Can You Do?
Here’s how to love yourself loudly in a world that wants you to whisper:
🧠 Build a Support System
Find your people. Your sisterhood. Your soft space. The ones who don’t flinch when you shine.
🌱 Practice Daily Self-Care
Not just bubble baths—real care. Say no. Speak up. Sleep. Eat. Journal. Move. Heal.
🗣️ Use Your Voice
Write. Create. Dance. Speak. Stop asking for permission to exist loudly.
🧘🏽♀️ Be Compassionate With Yourself
Talk to yourself like you would your best friend. Kind. Loving. Real. Let your inner voice be your softest home.
🔥 Be Unapologetic
Take up space. Laugh loudly. Cry loudly. Exist as you are, not as they expect.
Conclusion: Love Yourself Louder
Here’s the truth: The world will always have a problem with a woman who knows her worth. But that doesn’t mean you should lower your volume.
Your self-love is not a rebellion—it’s your birthright. Your joy is not selfish—it’s sacred. Your boundaries are not rude—they’re revolutionary.
So if they call you “too much,” smile and say—“I wasn’t made to be less.”
Because a woman who loves herself is unstoppable. And that scares them. Let it.
Let me know what do you think about self love? And how do you practice it below! 👇🏻 💕
I am a January born, so I’m a winter kid…. But every since I was a child I absolutely loved rain and hated winters and still do. 🌧️
From childhood, I’d throw caution to the wind, dancing and standing in downpours, fully aware I’d probably catch a cold. It was worth it every time.
Now that I’m older, my love for rain hasn’t faded, though my rain dances are fewer and further between. Still, there are moments I crave to just stand there, letting the drops wash over me. It’s more than just cooling down; it’s a vital therapy. In those moments, under the natural shower, I find clarity. Thoughts about myself, my life, everything just seems to flow and make sense.
When I can’t have the rain, my own shower becomes my sanctuary. I’ve spent hours under the spray, finding the same calming connection. This profound bond with water has been with me since I can remember, and I’ve never understood why. I don’t know how to swim, yet the thought of drowning holds no fear for me. Water has always felt like an embrace, a place of peace, and a quiet confidant. 🌊🌊
Fanfiction, Dark Romance, and the Ethics We Overlook
🎤 From One Direction Fangirl to Ethical Awareness
When I was a teenager, I was deep into the One Direction fandom. My favorite? Harry Styles. Their music, personalities, and charm made my teen years magical. I’d spend hours watching interviews, edits, and concert clips—it felt like home.
Then I discovered the rabbit hole that many fans fall into: fanfiction.
It started harmless—sweet “Y/N” stories where Harry loved you for who you were. But over time, I fell deeper, reading intense stories like After, Dark, and countless one-shots. They blurred the line between fantasy and reality.
Eventually, I moved on. I outgrew the band—and fanfiction. I began reading books that didn’t fictionalize real people’s lives. Only then did I realize the ethical dilemma that fanfiction, especially real-person fanfiction (RPF), presents—not just for readers, but more importantly, for the people being written about.
📚 What Is Fanfiction?
Fanfiction is fan-created storytelling using characters, settings, or plotlines from existing works like books, movies, or even video games. It exists in a gray zone—unauthorized, but beloved.
🧵 Fanfiction Usually:
Uses existing characters (fictional or real)
Is written by fans, not original creators
Lives mostly online on platforms like AO3, Wattpad, Tumblr, and FanFiction.Net
Explores “what if” ideas, alternate universes, or untold stories
It can be lighthearted, dark, romantic, funny, or deeply emotional.
But the question is: what happens when the “character” isn’t a character—but a real human being?
🚫 Why Some Fanfiction Crosses a Line
Fanfiction isn’t inherently wrong. It can be empowering, inclusive, and wildly imaginative. But some areas—especially RPF (Real Person Fiction)—raise serious concerns:
❌ Common Criticisms:
1. Lack of originality – It reuses others’ creations.
2. Poor quality – Anyone can publish, regardless of skill.
3. Overused clichés – Predictable tropes dominate many fics.
4. Fantasy projection – Self-inserts can feel like glorified wish fulfillment.
5. Toxic dynamics – Many fanfics romanticize abuse, trauma, or harmful behaviors.
6. Intellectual property issues – Some creators don’t want their worlds reimagined.
These are forgivable flaws. But when real people are involved, the consequences escalate.
🚷 The Ethical Problem with RPF (Real Person Fanfiction)
Celebrities may live public lives—but they’re not public property.
Writing fanfiction about their intimate, romantic, or sexual lives (often without consent) poses several problems:
💥 Impacts on Celebrities:
Privacy Invasion: Even public figures have emotional boundaries.
False Narratives: Fanfic can paint them as cruel, sexual, soft, or dangerous—distorting their real image.
Emotional Discomfort: Some celebrities have openly called RPF creepy or invasive.
Relationship Strain: “Shipping” two band members or actors can cause tension in real friendships.
Fan Delusion: Parasocial fantasies get stronger, leading to blurred lines and even stalking.
Reputational Damage: If explicit content spreads, it could harm their careers—especially those in youth-centric industries.
🔍 Example: The “Larry Stylinson” fanfic phenomenon caused real strain between Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles. Both have denied the ship and expressed discomfort.
Even BTS members have admitted that some fan content feels too invasive.
💡 So… Why Do People Write Fanfiction About Real People?
I personally have never written a fanfiction….. But I have read them.
It’s easy to judge, but important to understand.
🧠 Common Reasons:
Escapism: A way to fantasize or cope with real-life stress.
Identity Exploration: Especially for queer or marginalized fans, it’s a safe space to explore love, acceptance, and identity.
Parasocial Attachment: Writing feels like a way to feel closer to a favorite celebrity.
Creativity and Practice: Celebrities become a familiar template for writing.
Wish Fulfillment: A dream scenario where you’re seen, loved, or saved.
Community Belonging: Fanfic communities offer validation, connection, and joy.
Fanfiction—at its heart—isn’t always about disrespect. Often, it’s about longing. But intentions don’t erase consequences.
🌈 What Good Can Come From Fanfiction?
Let’s not ignore the good side—when rooted in fiction, fanfiction can be amazing.
✨ Here’s What It Offers:
1. Writing Practice: Many authors—like Cassandra Clare and E.L. James—started with fanfiction.
2. Instant Feedback: Writers grow through community responses.
3. Emotional Catharsis: It allows processing of grief, anxiety, love, and trauma.
4. Representation: Fanfiction often gives space to LGBTQ+, POC, and neurodivergent voices missing in mainstream media.
5. Creative Freedom: With no publisher pressure, writers take bold risks.
6. Comfort Stories: Alternate endings, soft love stories, “fix-its”—fics heal both readers and writers.
Fanfiction is more than guilty pleasure—it’s often a way to survive, speak up, or be seen.
⚖️ The Middle Ground: Ethics + Empathy
So where do we draw the line?
✅ Healthy Fanfiction:
Stays within fictional universes
Celebrates rather than invades
Acknowledges boundaries
Prioritizes consent—even in creative expression
❌ Problematic Fanfiction:
Sexualizes real people
Pushes harmful ships
Feeds delusions or stalker fantasies
Is shared directly with the people involved
If you admire someone, ask: Would they feel respected if they read this?
💬 Admire, Don’t Objectify
Fanfiction gave me joy, comfort, and a safe space growing up. But I’ve also realized that real people—no matter how famous—deserve dignity and boundaries.
You can be a fan without fictionalizing someone’s personal life. You can write romance without using real names. You can create magic without crossing lines.
✨ Admire from afar. Respect up close. That’s true fandom.
📣 What Do You Think?
Have you read or written fanfiction?
Do you believe RPF can be done respectfully?
Where should the line be drawn?
👇 Let’s talk in the comments. Share your thoughts, your stories, or just drop a 💬 if this made you think.
